Well, it’s official, I am a loser. Remember that cold streak I told you guys would come back around and hit me like a bus? Well, look around ladies and gentlemen, because I’m hospitalized. In the time I should’ve been reading the Vegas tea leaves and keeping my head on a swivel, I was buried in my own ego of consistency and short term success. A real pity, but maybe moving forward you guys can disregard all of my reasoning and opinions and just fade every pick I have. Anyway, we have a rather weird weekend of football to recap so let’s get to it.
No need to lie, I didn’t watch a second of NFL football on Sunday. What I DID do on Sunday was get a new pup, everyone say hello to (name soon to be revealed). She’s the sweetest thing ever. Anyway, I did read a few box scores and a LOT of twitter comments so here’s what I gathered.
NFL Quickie: The Giants and Panthers played in Germany and it was disgusting. Daniel Jones continues to be horrifically bad (threw 2 INTs) and the question remains: Why has he has started 70+ games, and why did the Giants give him 108 million dollars?? Bryce Young looked okay as the Panthers hold on to win in OT 20-17. Chicago 3 New England 19 – Caleb Williams and the Bears haven’t scored a touchdown in 24 consecutive drives (yikes) as Drake Maye outplays his fellow rookie who was sacked 9 (NINE) times. The battle of the gunslingers did not disappoint as Josh Allen and Joe Flacco combined for 5 interceptions in this one. The real story was the RB’s, as James Cook (80 yards & 1 TD) and Johnathan Taylor (120 yards) carried the weight of this game on their shoulders. Is the Joe Flacco experiment over? Why play him over AR15 if he’s gonna lose games & throw INTs? Anthony can do those things too! Bills win 30-20. Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs use their black magic as they block the would-be game winning FG & escape to 9-0. As I stupidly overlooked, the Saints get a interim Head Coach bump (Darren Rizzi) and take down the divisional rivals Falcons. Kirktober is over and he looked human, fumbling twice and throwing an INT. Bijan is awesome but the Rizzler revives Marquez Valdes-Scantling’s career and the Aints win 20-17. Christian McCaffrey makes his much anticipated return to the world of football, as he goes from being an Outkast to looking so fresh and so clean (19 touches 118 yards). Brock Purdy lights up the Bucs (353 yards & 2 TDs) as the 49ers outlast a Baker Mayfield comeback attempt, 23-20 Niners. Russy moves his Pittsburgh Steelers to 7-2 with a 28-27 win over the Commies. A lot happened in this one, George Pickens is must see TV, Jayden Daniels impressed against one of the NFLs top defenses, and a controversial late 4th quarter spot gives the ball to Pittsburgh and ends the game. Minnesota and Jacksonville played football, and it stunkkkk. Sam Darnold looks like he is slowly turning back into a pumpkin (3 INTs) and known pumpkin, Macaroni Jones, threw a few INTs himself. Vikings win 12–7. The other games sucked so let’s run through them really quick – Chargers move to 6-3 with a win over the Titans, Philly goes to Dallas and uses the power of the Sun (literally) to whomp the Cowboys by 28, speaking of whompings, Kyler Murray throws a perfect game as the Cards welcome Aaron Rodgers to Arizona with a 31-6 asskicking. Lastly, we have to acknowledge the Detroit v. Houston game. Jared Goff (former good QB) threw 5 (FIVE) INTs and the Lions still managed to win this game. They looked very vulnerable, but that defense excels at forcing turnovers so it may not matter come postseason. The Lions are still dangerous.
The Dawgs travel to the Land of Sharks and gets eaten alive
MISS 28
UGA 10
This one hurt. No, like it physically hurt me to watch. It was ugly, rainy, and Carson Beck stinks ASS. The UGA quarterback continued his streak of turnovers, as he threw another bad interception and caught a case of the fumbles in the second half, losing 2. His performance, or lack thereof, was painful to watch as a former predictor of UGA’s success. I misread this game and put my faith in Sid the Sloth, never again (until next weekend of course). Carson’s poor showing wasn’t the only nail in the coffin, as the Dawgs run game was nonexistent, being held to 60 total yards. All credit to Lane Kiffin and that team he built in the offseason, they matched up perfectly on both sides of the ball. As I alluded, they were a brick wall defensively. Walter Nolen, Jared Ivey and Princely Umanmielen combined for 5 sacks and 2 forced fumbles and held Beck to 186 yards and 0 touchdowns. Offensively they were moving the ball at will, with Dart getting the ball out in less than 2 seconds nearly all game. The run game was stifled for the majority of the game, aside from a few scrambles by Jaxson Dart to move the chains. Again, credit to Lane Kiffin for scheming up ways to attack UGA on the outside working in, creating mis-matches all over the field.
So what’s it mean? Well, it just means more (playoff teams). The SEC is now a full on shit show, with 7 teams sitting at 7-2 or better. We have a few more puzzle pieces left on the board, but for now the Tennessee Volunteers and Texas A&M Aggies are atop the SEC. For the Rebels, they control their own destiny. They have Florida and Miss State left on the schedule and if they win out they have a great opportunity to see post season football. For the Dawgs, they are in a similar boat. While they do control their own destiny, they have a tall task ahead with Tennessee coming to town. If they can win out, they should have a shot at the post season as well.
Jalen Milroe remembers how to play football, America is scared
BAMA 42
LSU 13
Jalen Milroe, are you okay man? I can’t figure this guy out. One week he’s throwing 2 interceptions and losing to Vandy, and the next he’s running for 200 yards and 4 TDs, looking like prime Michael Vick. Well, we got the latter version this weekend in Baton Rouge, and he looked frightening. This one really wasn’t close, and the Garrett Nussmeier turnover curse lives on as his redzone woes continued all game. He was intercepted at Alabama’s goal line early in the 2nd half, fumbled a few possessions later, and was picked off again late in the 4th as they tried to mount a comeback. Bama finally put together a complete performance on both sides of the ball, and boy did they look like a problem. Kalen DeBoer gets the best of Brian “I will not win a big game” Kelly, who had an entire bye week to prepare for this offense and still came up short.
In what was dubbed an ‘elimination game’, Bama beat the brakes off of LSU, and have kept their playoff hopes alive for another week. LSU on the other hand, is dead, they suck. Bama enters the 2 loss conversation in the SEC and have a few games to get through before celebrating. Can Hugh Freeze and Auburn ruin Bama’s season in the final week of the regular season? Probably not, but one can hope.
CFB Quickie: Georgia Tech puts an end to Cam Ward and Miami’s late game black magic as the Jackets upset the Hurricanes in Atlanta. Shoutout GT OC Buster Faulkner for calling this wild game (GT had 99 total pass yards and 275 rushing yards). FLLLLLLLLLorida State, please quit losing football games, I cannot keep adding L’s to your name, it’s becoming a hassle. A 49 point loss to Notre Dame? Really? Well they fired the OC, DC & WRs coach Monday, so I’m sure that’ll solve all their problems. Tennessee rolls past Miss St. and is atop the SEC, with a date with the Dawgs in Athens this weekend. Quinn Ewers (5 TDs) and Texas put up a 50 burger against Florida. Clemson wins at Virginia Tech, and runs behind the pads of Phil Mafah as the Tigers are a game back from 1st place in the ACC. Mizzou beats Oklahoma and is 7-2, add em to the list bitch. Penn State handles Washington as the defense holds them to 6 points, the Nittany Lions are 8-1. My Indiana Hoosiers are 10-0 for the first time in school history with their win over Michigan. BYU escapes Utah with a 1 point win due to a strong 4th quarter comeback – the Mormons are 9-0 & first in the BIG 12. Ashton Jeanty runs for 200 yards and 3 TDs, the Boise State Broncos move to 8-1. Kansas reads the Deuce & realizes they have a talented roster, kick the shit out of Iowa State, creating a path for Colorado to go to the BIG 12 championship game. Speaking of the Buffaloes, they go to Texas Tech and give em the business, Deion and co move to 7-2. Pitt drops a game to 5-4 UVA, very disappointing after that 6-0 start to the season. That’s about it.
Moving forward these Tuesday recaps may look a little slim. Papa is in Q4 and the corporate machine demands that its squeakiest wheel get the oil first, so keep that in mind. Don’t fret though, the beloved Friday previews will be just as in depth and profound as normal, but I wanted to give you guys a heads up.
Also – an FYI for you guys out there. As you may have noticed the Archive is now password protected, and if you wanna go through the older issues and relive the beautifully written word, the password is paytonpritchard. Shoutout to the goat, if you know you know.
Anyway, here’s the meme of the week.
Love you guys,
TWD
