Sup, how we feeling? Good week? Bad week? Good week until you saw Missouri was still ranked in the Top 25 and now you need an outlet for your anger and frustration? Yeah, me too. Well, either way, none of that matters, because it’s Friday. So sit back, set your status to ‘Be Right Back’ on Teams, and proceed with caution, as too much time on the toilet can be a ‘health risk’ according to no-fun Doctors & corporate CEO’s everywhere. The suggested solution is to avoid bringing phones, magazines & books into the ‘Boom Room’ so you can “focus on your business”. Sounds like that “Doctor” has never experienced the incessant need to escape the mundane tasks and monotony of corporate America. Some of us find solitude and peace behind that thin see-through door of a ‘Slop Shop’ stall.
Alright enough of that shit, let’s get to the reason you’re all here – football.
Snow game snow game snowwwww gameeeee! Nicholas Jamaal Chubb is SO back (68 yards 2 TDs), all it took was a nasty snowy divisional game. I will continue to shout it from the rooftops -Jameis Winston is electric and should be flexed to a primetime slot every week. The NFL needs to be made aware of the pure entertainment he provides, one second he throws one of the most beautiful deep balls you’ve ever seen, then the next he throws a dumbass interception that makes you wonder what the hell he saw. He is pure entertainment. Speaking of pure entertainment, George Pickens played in this game. He didn’t have a eye popping statline by any means, but he did make another crazy bobbling catch down the sideline where he pinned the ball to his thigh. Oh and after the game he was seen being pulled out of the stands away from a Browns fan, likely attempting to bite him or something. This game was great, and made me so pumped for cold snowy weather football of all kinds (College playoff games are gonna be SICK). Browns pick up their 3rd win of the season in the most Mike Tomlin loss of the season so far. The king of going .500 had won a few too many games, and we football loyalists knew he was due for a stinker.
Friday Night
#24 UNLV @ San Jose State (UNLV -7.5 T: 61.5) 10:00pm on FS1
I’m gonna go out on a limb here and guess most of you haven’t watched much of San Jose State this year. Am I right? Of course I am, but lucky for you we get them in PRIMETIME (kinda) tonight. Sure, is a 10pm kick a little late? Yeah, but give me a chance to sell you on it. At first glance it doesn’t catch the eye, but once you realize this game has CFB’s active triple crown leader (most receptions, most receiving yards & most receiving TDs) in all the FBS – Nick Nash – your ears should perk up like a dog hearing the word ‘walk’. Nick Nash is San Jose State’s entire offense, and he is so much fun to watch. The 6’3 195 WR is averaging 135 yards a game and catches everything thrown in his general direction. If the Spartans want to keep this close, you should expect a healthy dose of Nash. UNLV QB Hajj-Malik Williams is leading the team in passing and rushing yards, and is the engine of this Rebel offense. I like this to be a Friday Night Shootout, so I think I’ll have the over please.
Saturday
#5 Indiana @ #2 Ohio State (OSU -11.5 T: 52.5) ENORMOUS NOON KICKOFF ON FOX
Here.We.Go. The streets are saying this game is a ‘Big Deal’. Do I believe that? Yeah, kinda, but I’m having a hard time really getting excited about it because it’s at fucking 12pm. Sorry for the language mom, but you get what I’m saying. I’ve harped on my hatred for ‘B1G Noon kickoff’ enough this year, so I won’t waste our time here, but just know this game should be played in primetime at night with Herby and Fowler on the call. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get into this game. I was asked by my co-worker yesterday “Do you think Indiana actually has a chance?” Short answer: Yes. Longer answer: Yeahhhhh but they’re fighting an uphill battle blindfolded against an opponent with a bazooka, it’s gonna be tough. According to me, I am in the top 1% of spreading Indiana Hoosier propaganda, so it’s tough for me to be unbiased here, but let me try.
Indiana travels the Shoe tomorrow, a place where they haven’t won a game since the Reagan administration, as two score underdogs. However, this season is a little different, as the Hoosiers are undefeated for the first time in school history, and rank #3 in margin of victory this season at +25.2. Unfortunately for them, they go into a hostile Buckeye environment and face off against the #1 margin of victory team (+27.5). The Hoosiers will be leaning on QB Kurtis Rourke, who is playing with a lot of confidence and has been putting up great numbers thus far, and the Buckeyes will be reliant on the two headed RB monster of Quinshon Judkins & TreVeyon Henderson. Indiana has continued to prove people wrong all year, and ya know what, to hell with OSU. I’m sticking to my guns here and calling a close one, Indiana covers.
More Saturday
Slim pickens’ this weekend, so let’s just quickly skim through some here.
#9 Ole Miss @ Florida (MISS-11.5 T: 55.5) Noon on ABC
#25 Illinois @ Rutgers (RUTG- 1.5 T: 47.5) Noon on Peacock
#14 BYU @ #21 Arizona State (ASU -3 T: 48.5) 3:30pm on ESPN
#16 Colorado @ Kansas(COLO -3 T: 59.5) 3:30pm on FOX
#19 Army @ #6 Notre Dame (ND -14.5 T: 45.5) 7:30pm on NBC/Peacock
– Potential trap game here for the Rebels. UF QB DJ Lagway is all the way back and nearly fully healthy again, and we’ve seen what he can against some of the best SEC defenses. I like the Gators to keep this one sneaky close at home and cover the 11.5.
– Point blank period the wrong team is favored here. You guys know how much I love known fat man Brett Bielema and his Fightin Illini, so give me Illinois to hang onto that ranking and get a big win in NJ against Rutga’s.
– BYU tries to bounce back in hopes of keeping that conference championship and playoff dream alive after that last second loss to Kansas last weekend. They face a scorching hot ASU team that is motivated and looking to take that top spot in the Big 12. An elimination game here and I actually love Cameron Skattebo and the Devils to cover the 3 and hand the BYJew Cougars their second loss in a row. Oops!
– Deion, can you keep it together for just one more week man? Maybe not on paper, but this is one of Deions biggest games as HC of this Colorado team thus far. He is traveling to Kansas to play a a Jayhawks team that has been playing spoiler the last 4 weeks, with 2 ranked upsets. The spread is tight, Vegas is worried, and they should be. Give me the Jays to continue raining on the Big 12 favorites parade and win outright.
– America vs the Catholics, a tale as old as time. Some say Catholicism was a pillar of this countries success, but I say it was built by the men and women who laid down their lives in service of providing a safer and free America. Army is undefeated but traveling to God’s country at night, it could get hairy. I think it will be closer than the spread indicates, and I love the number, so I’m taking the Knights to cover and keep this one interesting. P.S. – Notre Dame fans…best take care of business… any slip ups and you’re toast.
PrizePicks TD Scorers of the week are brought to you by Dude Wipes.
If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about getting in the trenches & getting their butts in the (end) zone, it’s Dude Wipes.
David Montgomery – He is our Wagon. I will not remove him from this list, maybe ever, idk.
Bucky Irving – Big fan of my man Bucky. Going up against the 3rd worst rushing attack & 5th worst in RB receptions and yards allowed.
Brian Robinson Jr. – Sticking with RBs, B-Rob faces the Cowboys. Joe Mixon just sodomized this defense last week (3 TDs) & I see it happening again
George Kittle – Georgie boy is battling a hamstring issue but this is kinda a must win for the 49ers, he will play and he will Lambeau Leap. Book it.
Kareem Hunt – Bounce back game, playing the worst rush defense in the league, Pacheco isn’t back yet, yeahhhh it’s Kareem Pie time.
Christian McCaffrey – I was wrong last weekend, hand up. Nonetheless, he hasn’t gone consecutive games without scoring since 2021 (fake stat) and I love this matchup.
NFL Quick Picks – YTD 33-29
Lions @ Colts o49.5: Well, you’re welcome for the over pick last weekend, as Detroit covered all 46.5 of that by themselves. Strike while the iron is hot, and it’s SCORCHING. I’m gonna keep riding with the Lions, as the train is at full steam here, and I love the over. Anthony Richardson is coming off the best game of his career, confidence is high, I think they can move the ball and put up a few scores to help this cover.
Titans +8.5 @ Texans: Time to be the contrarian here, I like the Titans. Wow, just typing that out had me making a stank face, but the numbers don’t lie. The Titans have been sneaky good defensively, ranking 2nd in YPG allowed. I think they can play nasty, and I think the Texans are getting a little bump from embarrassing the Cowboys in primetime last weekend. Texans win but I think it’s tighter than the spread indicates.
Bucs -6 @ Giants: “But Tommy DeVito is playing!! Backup QB bump!!” Nopeeeee don’t care. Baker will be cookin in the kitchen in this must win game. If Tampa Bay wants a shot at the playoff, they have to win the NFC South, i.e. they cannot afford NFC losses. Baker goes to New York and takes care of this Italian marone like he’s Tony Soprano.
Chiefs @ Panthers u43.5: This is gross but I’m doing it anyway. I typically hate unders, but this KC defense is legit and just got embarrassed by Josh Allen. Bounce back spot for them, for sure forcing a few Bryce Young interceptions, and I see a big Kareem Hunt game that milks the clock. Under.
Cardinals @ Seahawks o47.5: Division game. Cards lead the division at 6-4, Seahawks defense is trending in the wrong direction as of late, Kyler Murray is playing some of his BEST football, this feels too easy. Seattle has covered this total in 6 of their 10 games so far, and I think they keep it close and find success through the air.
Winner: The NBA. Don’t worry guys, in a Pardon My Take-like fashion, I won’t do my full NBA preview until football season ends, when the NBA is well into their season. For now though, I thought this would be a great opportunity to hit on a few focal points thus far. Numero Uno: everyone’s favorite part of the NBA – Inside the NBA on TNT – has announced a deal with ESPN, keeping the lovable quartet of Shaq, Charles Barkley, Ernie Johnson & Kenny Smith together. Prior to the season, the future of the TNT crew was quite ambiguous, with the only certainty being that 2024 would be the last year of their show on TNT. With ESPN sweeping in and locking them up, the Emmy Award-winning show will remain on TV, and will have more flexibility than ever. Numero Dos: Lebron James is the greatest basketball player to walk this planet. While I do identify as a Bronsexual, I (at times) am capable of withholding my bias for the greater good. In this case, the greater good so happens to be pushing Lebron James propaganda (how convenient). “Why?” you may stupidly ask, and to that I say this: LeBronathan turns 40 next month, and in his 22nd year in the NBA is averaging 23.5 PPG, 9.6 assists per game, 8.1 rebounds per game and shooting a career high 41.6% from 3. That is INSANE. The man is playing on the same court as his SON, think about that. I could go at length about his stats in year 22 compared to other greats, but I won’t, let’s just acknowledge that he’s an alien and now it all makes sense as to why Jeff Bezos wanted a sample of his blood. Numero Tres: Just wanted to shoutout the Cleveland Cavaliers for starting 15-0, that’s hard to do, but they are undefeated no more after suffering a loss to the Boston Celtics Tuesday night. Speaking of the Celtics, shoutout my guy Payton Pritchard, 6th Man of the Year is loading. He has the 3rd most made 3 pointers in the league so far, and is ranked #1 in field goal % and 3 point % amongst white guards below 6’1. Shoutout you P, keep hoopin!
Loser: The College Football Playoff Committee. Those idiots man, they sure know how to cause a ruckus. I suppose we should just hit this by conference, so let’s start in the B1G 10. Oregon, despite the scare against Wisconsin, is deservingly atop the rankings at #1. No beef with them, they await the OSU Indiana winner for a date in the conference championship. To Ohio State and Indiana – OSU I get, they lost to Oregon (good loss) and have a top 30 strength of schedule (SOS). Indiana on the other hand, has the 106th SOS, but did play the defending National Champ, Runner up and has a chance to make a statement vs. Ohio State. Up to this point, they’ve kinda proven nothing, undefeated yes, but unproven. Lastly, Penn State. Fuck those frauds. They have a ‘good loss’ to Ohio State and that’s it. Them being #4 is a joke. Moving out of the B1G, let’s address Notre Dame. I do not think they are good. Remember when they lost at home to the 7th best MAC team when they were 4 score favorites? Sureee they beat some ‘ranked teams’ at the time (best win is Texas A&M, good win) but they shouldn’t be sitting at #6. We then go to the SEC, which is mayhem. Texas & TAMU are on a collision course to decide who goes to the SEC championship game, as the winner in next weeks matchup is likely to play Alabama. Speaking of Bama, they sit at #7, with a game at Oklahoma and then wrapping up with the Iron Bowl next weekend (could be an upset). The rest of the SEC is close behind – #9 Ole Miss, #10 UGA & #11 Tennessee. I think the committee chose to keep them bunched until things work themselves out, but one of those thing is not like the other (UGA #1 SOS, 3 Top 15 wins, but Ole Miss beat them…) so I’m not really sure what the committee needs to see. Lastly, the ACC & Big 12 – first representing the ACC is Miami at #8, remember when they lost to a 5-4 GT team? Anyway here is a list of all their best wins __________. The next highest is #13 SMU, who needs to be shown some respect. They are 9-1 with the only loss coming @ BYU by 3. The mormons of BYU are right behind at #14, after suffering a close loss to Kansas last weekend. My beef with these two being so far behind is how far BYU fell (8 spots) after a 4 point loss. Now, I don’t think they are great but falling 8 spots after losing by 4 points is crazy considering Miami’s situation and more importantly the fact that Mizzou has lost 3 weeks in a row and is SOMEHOW STILL IN THE TOP 25. I’m not gonna say it’s bias but right now it’s looking like the committee is preparing for just 1 Big 12 and 1 ACC team…yikes. I’ll have a better breakdown of the CFP rankings and my unsolicited yet correct opinions next Wednesday in a short special newsletter, so stay tuned for that.
Instead of a meme this week, I’d like to acknowledge Jim McElwain. The former football coach has announced his retirement, ending a subpar 40 year career. Currently the Head Ball coach at Central Michigan, he will lead the Chippewas (4-7) one last time on Nov. 30th against Northern Illinois (yep, they beat Notre Dame). He stands at a career record of 77-63 heading into his last game, which is honestly more wins than I had guessed. He is currently under investigation due to his involvement in hiring of ex-Michigan spy Connor Stallions, wonder if that has anything to do with the sudden retirement? Surely not. Anyway, McElwain will forever be known for giving us one of the most memorable CFB photographs of all time, so thanks for the laughs Jimbo!
Love you guys,
TWD
