We sure have a lot to cover here, so let’s get right into it.
5 straight days of football, it’s enough to make a grown man cry. The NFL is all the way back, Scottie Scheffler is still really good at golf, Week 2 of CFB hit harder than Ray Lewis (member when he killed a guy?), Jannik Sinner is single handedly putting Italians back on the map, and I haven’t drank any water since last Wednesday.
What a weekend from the National Football League eh? Let’s check in on some games.
- Packers 29 Eagles 34: Jalen Hurts. How do we feel about him? Is he good? Or is he just surrounded by a ton of talent? I’m not sure, but I’ll tell you who IS good, Saquon Barkley. That guy has more touchdowns than 18 (!!) NFL teams. Good thing I was playing against him in 3 different Fantasy Leagues. Jordan Love looked okay until he suffered an MCL injury in one of the final plays of the game, and now it’ll be former Titans and Liberty Flames QB Malik Willis at the helm until Love returns in 4-6 weeks. Despite the sloppiness, the Eagles lean on Saquads and hold off the Pack. (Shoutout Jayden Reed for going nuts as well, kids a baller)
Cardinals 28 Bills 34: Josh Allen is incredible, finishing with 2 TD’s in the air and 2 more on the ground. Kyler did his thing, scrambling around, looking like a toddler who got his hands on some of Mommy’s “Adult sugar”. I was reminded James Connor overcame a torn ACL and Hodgkin’s Lymphoma in the same year while in college. How, as a defender, are you supposed to intimidate a guy who’s been through that??
- Falcons 10 Steelers 18: NFC South pre-season favorites to 0-1 in a matter of hours. The Falcons gave the fans exactly what they came for, an opening weekend loss at home against former HC Arthur Smith and his QB of the future, Justin Fields. This game stunkkkk. Highlights: Bijan is so fun to watch, give it to him every play. TJ Watt is still unblockable. George Pickens is guaranteed to make some absurd catch/downfield play. Lowlights: The Falcons O-line looked like Notre Dame’s vs. NIU, Kirk Cousins looked like Notre Dame’s QB against NIU, and Chris Boswell looked like NIU’s kicker out there, making 6 FG’s.
- Jaguars 17 Dolphins 20: As it turns out, not even Johnny Law (former Miami 1st round draft pick in 1896) can stop Tyreek Hill. After being detained a mere hours before kickoff, Mr. Cheetah suited up and proceeded to commit crimes of passion all over the field against Jacksonville. Aforementioned crimes include but are not limited to the following: speeding, being an “offensive threat’”, and evading and eluding pursuit of men just ,”trying to do their job”. We will keep our eyes on this case and report on any future (and likley) speeding violations from Mr. Hill.
NFL Quick Hitters: Anthony Richardson has a rocket launcher for an arm, but falls short against divisional rival CJ Stroud. Patriots stun the Bengals at home but Joe Burrow hates winning in September. Carolina forgot they’re an NFL team, and made Derek Carr look like 10/10/2004 David Carr. The Jim Harbaugh era has officially begun as he’s breathed new life into JK Dobbins. Bo Pix stinks it up in Seattle & Geno Smith is fast (?). Will Levis gives DA BEARS their first win of the season (don’t look at Caleb’s statline). Year 7 Sam Darnold looks poised and ready, this is his year, this is HIS team, don’t be surprised if he’s a sleeper to win MVP, OPOTY & Walter Payton Man of the Year. Jayden Daniels is fun, but the Commies can’t hold off the Bakers dozen. Cooper Kupp catches a million passes but the Lions have the last roar as they RUN THE DAMN BALL and end it in OT.
“…yeah so pretty much both of the organizations are paying these guys a combined $400,000,000 and they stink, like they fuckin REEK. Daniel Jones grew a beard & people suddenly forgot he’s thrown more pick-sixes than TD’s since signing his $160M deal. Crazy right?? Hahahah yeah I know & Deshaun Watson continues to be a worse football player than human being, and that guy sexually assaulted like 50 women”
Well, FLLorida State may not have played this week, but I think their stink wore off on some Top 25 teams.
Northern Illinois goes on a mission to South Bend, 100,000 lose faith
NIU 16
ND 14
- Ouch. As a Catholic, I feel for my brothers and sisters out there. You guys remember how Riley Leonard’s mom texts him before every game and tells him he sucks? Well, what if she wasn’t joking? I’m starting to think she may have been trying to send him a not-so hidden message.
- In an absolute stinker of a game, ND hosted the Huskies of Northern Illinois in what was supposed to a $1.4 million asswhooping. While that remained to be true, it was the Irish who proceeded to receive the whooping of the ass. Riley Leonard came out shaky, and never really calmed down. Finishing 20/32 for 163 yards and 2 INTs, he SUCKED. The best player on the field, ND’s Jeremiyah Love, only touched the rock 13 times, and that just can’t happen. In your house, against an inferior opponent, with (sorry NIU) inferior talent, you’ve gotta established your physicality and establish the run. Now, I’ll absolutely give credit to where credit is due, NIU HC Thomas Hammock came to play. The 43 year old HC had his alma mater ready to run through a brick wall, and they did just that, stunning #5 Notre Dame. Led by mustache having QB Ethan Hampton and RB Antario Brown, NIU milked the clock and protected the football long enough to get the win.
- I’m not really sure what this means for Notre Dame. What LOOKED like a pretty smooth remaining schedule, now could be troubling. If they want any shot at the playoff, they’ll have to win out and win BIG in pretty much every game. In my expert opinion, if Leonard can’t figure it out, it’s gonna be a longggg season for the Irish and I don’t think it’ll be the last time they get embarrassed ….
#7 Oregon evades the bucking Broncos
Oregon 37
Boise St. 34
- I. LOVE. ASHTON. JEANTY. If you still don’t know his name, do some homework. My darkhorse to win the Heisman, he has exceeded expectations so far this season.
- The Junior RB from Jacksonville, FL has absolutely carried Boise State so far this season. In just two games, Jeanty has amassed 45 carries 459 yards and 9 (NINE) TDs. Standing at 5’9 220, he’s a bowling ball who’s as elusive and nimble as a cat in a hat on crack.
- We know Oregon has looked a little shaky so far this season, after barely beating Idaho in Week 1, but I certainly did not expect them to respond to that flaccid performance by shooting another blank this week. If it weren’t for some late game heroics from QB Dillon Gabriel and RB Jordan James, the Ducks would have gone to OT. Gabriel played well and efficiently, Boise State just had a counter for every punch Oregon threw, and nobody can stop Jeanty when the wheels are turning.
- Oregon survives, but look out for this Boise State team.
#3 Texas handles #10 Michigan
Texas 31
Michigan 12
- Did anyone actually think Michigan was gonna be good this year?
- The only returning starter on offense for the Wolverines is RB Donovan Edwards, and their offense looks about as active as current day Betty White. “Wait, hasn’t our sweet Queen Betty W. passed onto the next life?? I swear she’s dead.” You would be correct, random reader. That is simply the best analogy I could make to accurately describe the lackluster attempt at an offense I witnessed Saturday.
- Now, was it really that bad? I mean Davis Warren (who?) threw for 204 yards!! Yeah well 80 of those yards came on Michigan’s final two drives, as they attempted to save face after getting dominated for 4 quarters. 2 pretty bad interceptions opened the door early for Texas, and it was over by half.
- Texas, they looked pretty damn good. Dr. Pepper advocate Quinn Ewers was steady and efficient, going 24/36 for 250 and 3 TDs. The run game was clicking as well, with 5 different ball carriers toting the rock. The one negative for the Longhorns is RB depth, as Jayden Blue left in the 1st half with a leg injury. Already missing star freshman tandem CJ Baxter (Knee) and Christian Clark (Achilles) for the remainder of the season, they couldn’t really afford to lose another. Luckily, Jerrick Gibson (last years #2 RB in the class) stepped up big on Saturday. Texas is rolling.
#23 Georgia Tech hears the praise, loses to Syracuse
GT 28
Cuse 31
- Don’t worry Tech fans, we will never forget that crazy 2-0 start!
- Some of us, (me) called this last week. Something just felt a little off about this game. Georgia Tech was being praised by local networks, earned a Top 25 ranking, and Syracuse has an uncanny ability to beat random ranked teams every year. Mix all of those ingredients together and you get a Orange flavored upset.
- Kyle McCord was DEALING (32/46, 381 yards, 4 TDs) and GT had no answer for it. In a game with zero turnovers, the difference was Tech’s inability to make a stop late in the second half. A 4th quarter surge and electric onside kick recovery gave life to the Jackets, but there was simply too much ground to make up and not enough time to do so.
- One of the better games all day, I think both of these teams can make some noise and beat some really good football teams this year. Syracuse is blessed with a prettyyyyyy easy schedule the rest of the way, with only two ranked games left (#24 Boston College & #10 Miami). Can 1st year HC Fran Brown lead the Orange to a playoff birth?
- This one may sting for Brent Key and Georgia Tech for a while, especially considering the gauntlet of a schedule they have this season, but don’t write them off just yet.
#23 Nebraska wins game against bad team
Nebraska 28
Colorado 10
- This was not particularly close. While two of the best players in this game were wearing Colorado jerseys, the better team was Nebraska. Freshman QB Dylan Raiola played well, doing what he needed to extend plays and move the ball. Nebraska established the run early with sophomore RB Dante Dowdell, and leaned on him and the O-line all game.
- Colorado QB Shedeur Sanders looked bad. He couldn’t quite find a rhythm and threw a panicked pick six in the first quarter that extended Nebraska’s lead to 14-0. The pressure of the Cornhuskers pass rush seemed to really bother Sanders, and he looked very shaky the rest of the game.
- Neither team really impressed me to be honest, but it was fun to watch the QB battle. Dylan Raiola is doing just about everything he can to emulate Patrick Mahomes, whether it’s the pit viper sunglasses, exact same haircut, or a slightly chubby “I love tanking Miller Lites” build they both have going on. Honestly, I don’t blame him, 3 time Super Bowl champ, 2 time MVP, why wouldn’t you want to be that guy? Other than the fact that everyone you’re related to seemingly sucks.
CFB Quick Hitters: #14 Tennessee dismantles #24 NC St. 51-10, #19 Kansas gets upset by Illinois, #21 Iowa loses on a last second Iowa St. FG, #17 Kansas St. holds off Tulane at the goal line, Cam Ward threw for 300 yards and 3 TD’s against a high school, #8 Penn St. nearly loses to Bowling Green, #25 Clemson discovers offense, puts up 66 on App St., and UGA, Ole Miss and Bama (kinda) roll.
Wow, now that was a lot of football. Pretty great recap though right? Yeah, I concur. Not much else going on, and I need sleep.
Here is this weeks featured meme, in honor of tomorrows Presidential debate:
Love you guys,
TWD
