Alright, alright, alrighttttt. Week 3 is upon us! We’ve got a big weekend ahead with Dawgs vs. Cats, Cats vs. Cats, Ducks vs. Beavers and Tigers vs. Cocks. With all of this intra & inter-species fighting going on…it’s the perfect time for the hungry Haitians of Ohio to expand their operation and head down south, as they’ll have first pickn’s at some bruised and beaten (wild)cats after their tussle with the Dawgs in Lexington. Keep your eyes peeled, as those Haitians are quick and crafty, and with a menu like the one I just laid out, they’re practically frothing at the mouth & liable to strike again.
Well this game was a whomping. Tua forgot who was on his team, throwing 3 INTs in the first 2 and a half quarters. JAMES COOK on the other hand, showed up big time for Buffalo & more importantly Sandusky’s Tightends (shoutout my fantasy team). 3 TDs, 100+ all purpose yards, Oooooooeeee weeeee!! Josh Allen played okay, not having to do much as Cook and Tua were putting up points left and right for the Bills. Tua almost died (again) but my reports are telling me, “He’s just a lil sleepy.” Seriously though, that was a little scary – prayers up for the young man and his family.
Friday Game
#20 Arizona @ #14 Kansas State (KSU -7 T: 60.5)
My bias WILL show here, as I LOVE Zona. The boys in blue (and red) are 2-0 and feeling fiesty. Led by Noah Fifita and star WR Tetairoa McMillan, I have Arizona as my sleeper pick to make the playoff and even win the Big 12. The boys face their first test, traveling allllll the way to Manhattan. Huh? Manhattan? I thought they play Kansas State? Wake up you casual and google where K. State is located, I (a ball-knower) totally didn’t have to look it up.
In a good ole fashion cat fight, we should see the claws come out. Kansas State is led by future Head & Shoulders brand ambassador QB Avery Johnson. He’s okay, but I haven’t seen anything too impressive out of the young sophomore QB, so this will either be his coming out party, or he’ll stay in the closet a little while longer. After narrowly escaping New Orleans (been there brother) with a win against Tulane last weekend, it may have been a needed wake up call for KSU. That defense will have it’s hands full though, so I’ve got the Wildcats of the West covering the 7 and winning outright.
Saturday – Early Slate
#4 Alabama @ Wisconsin (Bama -16 T: 50.5)
This game feels kinda weird. Just me? Idk, I love seeing Alabama losing just as much as the next guy, but for some reason I just don’t care for Wisconsin football nor the Big Ten very much (sorry long time reader, Big Cat). Getting 16 points AT Camp Randall feels kinda disrespectful but then again the Badgers are led by Tyler “Dick Van Dyke” Van Dyke, who’s like 47 years old (he’s 23). The Miami transfer went looking for a new home and wound up in Madison, Wisconsin, everyone’s destination location. Newish Wisconsin HC Luke Fickell said he likes the “cut of his jib” and despite the slow start this season (31.6 QBR in 2 games), he has faith the offense will get rolling soon.
Unfortunately for the former security guard at the Museum of Natural History, he faces a newish Alabama team. 1st year HC Kalen DeBoer is 2-0 and looking to get his first noteworthy win (sorry USF) of this season. Returning only 5 starters on offense, it has been a bit of a shaky start for the Tide on that side of the ball. But as all tides fall, they too rise, and boy did they rise quick in the 4th Quarter of that game against USF, as the Tide outscored the Bulls 28-3. The offense is rolling right now, and I don’t think it’ll slow. Gimme the Tide to cover the 16.
#16 LSU @ South Carolina (LSU -7 T: 48.5)
Here we are, the Tigers vs. Cocks. If you watch football, you probably saw South Carolina embarrass Kentucky at Kroger Field last weekend. Hot off their first conference win, the Gamecocks travel back home and prepare to host Brian Kelly’s Tiga’s. After a really sloppy loss to the OTHER USC team (Univ. of Southern California) in Week 1, LSU is looking to face their fears and get over the “USC” hump. Garrett Nussmeier has been pretty great, aside from that one costly interception against USC. As for the Gamecocks, they’re led by goggle-wearing QB LaNorris Sellers, who seems to have found some kinda rhythm in the win @ Kentucky last weekend, who will have to be on his A game this weekend. The USC offense will have to be sharp in order to keep up with LSU, and I’m not sure I see that happening.
A fun one to watch in this game is USC true freshman OLB Dylan Stewart, former 5 star and #1 edge rusher in the country last year. Despite only being 17 years old, he’s already pushing around grown ass men. Give him a google and check out how freaky this guy is. He will be tested big time in this game as Stewart will be lining up against future Top 10 draft pick LT Will Campbell.
With all that being said – give me LSU to go into Williams-Brice Stadium and cover.
#24 Boston College @ #6 Missouri (Mizzou -16 T: 53.5)
Eagles v. Tigers, nice. BC is ranked, 2-0, and feeling themselves. Meanwhile, Missouri has quietly completed two straight shutouts to open a season for the first time since 1935(!). Now I know it was against doo-doo ass opponents (Murray St. & Buffalo), but give credit where credit is due. Senior QB Brady Cook and standout WR Luther Burden have powered this offense to averaging 45 points a game through two games (pretty good). The defense has looked solid, but faces it’s biggest test yet against Boston Colleges dual threat QB Thomas Castellanos.
This one should be fun, but I’m not sure this BC team can hold pace with Mizzou. I like the Tigers to remain undefeated and keep their SEC title game hopes alive for another week. (Also take the under)
Afternoon slate/Night Slate
Texas A&M @ Florida (TAMU -3 T: 47.5)
Here is your 3:30 SEC game of the week folks. Stinky QB play, coaches who aren’t great (jury is still out on Mike Elko), and an unranked matchup on ABC. I don’t have a lot of thoughts here, don’t particularly care for either team, but DJ Lagway is pretty fun to watch. Gators defend the swamp here and win outright.
#1 Georgia @ Kentucky (UGA -22 T: 44.5)
Dawgs v. Cats. The #1 team in all the land travels to Lexington to take on a baddd Kentucky team. Former UGA QB Brock Vandagriff leads the Wildcats, and is off to a bit of a slow start so far this season. Averaging just under 100 yards passing a game (yikes), with 3 TD’s & 3 turnovers, he hasn’t exactly met expectations that fans and coaches had set for him heading into this season. I still have some faith in the guy, but he’s on a short leash.
As for the Dawgs, they’re on a roll. The offense is a machine and the defense is scary, just 5 stars flying around everywhere. A 22 point spread is pretty disrespectful to Kentucky, especially since it’s a night game at the ever-so-daunting Kroger Field. With Kentucky’s offense looking anemic, I expect the Dawgs to continue rolling. Gimme UGA to cover the 22.
Looking ahead to Week 2 of the NFL, here are some guys that are DEFINITELY getting into the endzone:
- Cade Otton (TB)
- Sam LaPorta (DET)
- Trenton Irwin (CIN)
- Cooper Kupp x2 (LA)
- Travis Kelce (KC)
- TJ Watt (PIT)
Since you guys asked, here are some more games I like this weekend
- Chargers -5 @ Carolina: Not overthinking this. The Panthers are sooooo bad. Harbaugh has the boys so fired up, even known-introvert Justin Herbert was acting very animated pregame, leading them out onto the field. I think the Fighting Harbaughs run the damn ball and keep Bryce Young on his heels all game.
- Tampa Bay +7.5 @ Detroit. I love Baker Mayfield. The guy loves football and competing more than anyone I’ve watched in a long time. Coming off an impressive offensive performance against the Commies, I think they keep rolling. As for Detroit, I expect a bit of hangover game here after coming off a win where they had to prove to their ex that they are better off without him. Shoutout to my guy Dan Campbell (pictured) and his huge nuts. Hate to cheer against you brother, but it’s just one week.
- Jacksonville -3 vs. Cleveland: I don’t love this one but my brain is telling me this is sharp. Deshaun Watson sucks balls, and the Jags are reeling after blowing a near 24-7 lead last week vs the Dolphins. Big bounce back spot here, and I think Deshaun Watson starting at QB is the best offense the Jags could possibly ask for. #JagginOff
- Rams @ Cardinals O47.5: Point, points and more points. Kyler and his little legs running around, Matty Stafford slinging that shit around, Cooper Kupp hauling in 20 receptions. Uhhhh yeahhhhh, I LOVE the over here. Nuff said
- Steelers -2.5 @ Broncos: Russ revenge game. I like Russell Wilson. I mean sure, he’s the most cringey guy in the league, and he’s been getting cucked by Humanitarian and ATL Rap Artist ‘Future’, but he’s fed up. Sean Payton went into Denver last year and tried to Old Yeller Russ, ostracizing him and basically blaming him for the lack of success. Russ is a man of devotion and intent, and for that reason I think he plays and sends a message. (I’m probably very wrong, Russ does suck but we ride)
- Winner: Hungry Hungry Haitians – after getting some great publicity in the news this week due to Tuesday nights Presidential Debate, the Ohio carnivores are becoming a household name. It’s all a matter of perspective, some hate them for brutally murdering and consuming innocent animals as they wish, while others see an opportunity to run with a likely fabricated/exaggerated story and make fun of it. With all of this “he said, she said, he ate my duck, she strangled my cat”, we at least know one thing is true…. Toyotathon 2024 is only 2 months away! The annual end-of-year sale on select Toyota vehicles features low financing, leasing, and deals/bundles that you’ve never seen before. I know you guys are just as excited as I am, so check out appropriate ways to get ready & celebrate here.
2. Loser: Pet owners in the Springfield Ohio area. Not much to say here, but lets just say keep your furry loved ones inside or on a leash at all times.
- Winner: Hans Zimmer – the guy does not miss. Today is the goats 67th birthday, so go ahead and do yourself a favor and celebrate the man by checking out this album. Labeled as the “song bird of our generation” by Jerry Seinfeld, Hans has been the architect of sound evoking powerful feelings and experiences in listeners across different contexts and films over the last few decades. The LeBron James of composition, I salute you.
- Loser: James Earl Jones Fans – JEJ DEAD at 93. The beloved & distinguished actor and family man passed peacefully on Monday in the comfort of his own home. The unmistakable voice was one I grew up with, whether it was watching the overrated and old Star Wars movies with my Dad, or being scared of him as the blind old bastard in the Sandlot. His death strangely hit me kinda hard, but it was his time I suppose. At least he didn’t go in a some kinda hang-gliding incident or horrific helicopter crash. Silver linings I guess. RIP.
Lets have a nice safe weekend everyone. Remember to brush your teeth twice a day, tell the people close to you that you love them, and for GODS SAKE, please keep an eye on your pets.
Love you guys,
TWD
