“I can feel it coming in the air tonight, oh Lord, and I’ve been waiting for this moment for all my life, oh Lord. Can you feel it coming in the air tonight? Oh Lord, oh Lord” – Me in anticipation for that first brisk Fall chill in the air. Nothing quite revs my engine like a sunny 60 degree weekend full of football, day drinking, butt-dialing my therapist while trying to talk up the disinterested brunette at the bar, and explaining to Dr. Smartypants the next day that she was totally into me she just HAD to leave to check in on her Grandma at 2 am. Anyway, let’s see what the board has in store for us this weekend.
As I sit here in my fuzzy slippers and Versace robe, sipping on the finest of $4 Aldi wine, I shall predict with perfect accuracy exactly how this game will go down. First, Aaron Rodgers. In his first appearance on TNF since tearing his achilles a year ago, Mr. Aaron Rodgers Neighborhood looks to give the Jets a much needed divisional win. I foresee a 24-10 Jets win, in a slow, kinda ugly game. Breece Hall WILL score, A-Rod WILL bitch about multiple miscommunications between he and his WR’s, and Al Michaels WILL complain about the game sucking. Jacoby Brissett is the best non-starting but starting QB in the league, and Rhamondre Stevenson is a beast, but it won’t be enough. Don’t get me wrong, I have no faith in the Jets. HC Bob Saleh hasn’t really put it all together yet, so this is a big step on a national stage, do your job. The Patriots are frisky, and the defense is scrappy (shoutout Christian Gonzalez) but they shouldn’t win this game. In the manner of maintaining my journalistic integrity, I shall leave this Wednesday-night-written prediction up. And yeah, sure, it helps I fucking nailed it.
Friday
#24 Illinois @ #22 Nebraska (NEB -7.5 T: 42.5) 8pm on FOX
Don’t look now, but the Fighting Illini are RANKED baby! For the first time since 2022 (I guess it’s not that long ago)Illinois is back in the top 25. If they want to maintain that ranking & remain undefeated, they will have to go through Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs. I mean Dylan Raiola and the Nebraska Cornlovers. The young QB has been getting a lot of flack recently for his uncanny similarities to the 3x Super Bowl winning QB down in KC. Between having the exact haircut and facial hair, identical warmup routine, same #, and even his effeminate limped wrist walk back to the huddle, it’s WEIRD. Now, after saying all that, the kid is a hooper. He even emulates Mahomes game. in his impressive arm strength, ball placement and playmaking ability, he is exciting.
On the other side of the field is Mr. Luke Altmyer. Real ones know him as the former Ole Miss QB who appeared in all of 4 games in his 2 seasons there. In his second year with Illinois, he looks confident and like he has settled into OC Barry Lunney’s Pro-Style offense. HC Brett Bielema is a large man who looks EXACTLY like what you’d picture an Illinois HC to look like; round, pale and angry. I’m excited to watch this game and I really like the Fighting Illini to go into Lincoln and cover the spread. I think it’s a close game and we may see some freshman growing pains for Raiola.
Saturday – Noon
NC State @ #21 Clemson (Clemson -20.5 T: 46.5) 12pm on ABC
Big ole spread here folks, 3 touchdowns. It may just be me, but I feel like some recency bias is in play for the Tigers here. They beat the hell out of App St. (66-20) and were on bye last week, so maybe people just forgot how they opened the season? Idk, I have my doubts. As for NC State, they are 2-1 with wins against W. Carolina & Louisiana Tech (meh) and got whomped by Tennessee two weeks ago (51-10). In a ‘prove-it’ conference game, I think this will be closer than the spread indicates. Experienced QB Grayson McCall looks to bounce back from that embarrassing performance in Knoxville, while Clemson tries to keep their playoff hopes alive. Give me the Wolf pack to keep this close, I just think 20.5 is too big for a matchup between two teams fighting for their first conference win.
Kansas @ #21 West Virginia (WVU-2.5 T: 56.5) 12pm on ESPN
This will game numero dos in the quad box. Two very fun quarterbacks, this scream points to me. Sure, both teams are 1-2 and Kansas just lost to UNLV at home, but whooooooo caresssss. Jalon Daniels (KU) and Garrett Greene (WVU) are no strangers to taking shots downfield, which leads to big plays and big turnovers. I expect high flying “holy shit did you see that touchdown” type of plays with a smidge of “I cannot believe he threw that ball” mixed in. Either team could win this, and I want to cheer for points, so me likey the over.
If you’ve had the misfortune of playing against Kansas in CFB25, you should know the name Devin Neal. The dude has a Reggie Bush juke move with a Braxton Miller spin move, yet Kansas doesn’t seem to be aware of that, as they have only given him an average of 13 touches a game so far. My 2 cents? Feed the guy the rock but make sure you sub him out every now and then so he doesn’t tire out and become more susceptible to injuries.
Afternoon
#11 USC @ #18 Michigan (USC -5.5 T: 46.5) 3:30pm on CBS
Both of these teams are overrated, right? Miller Moss has one of the coolest names in football, and Michigan is starting a QB who’s namesake is a activity characterized by excessive drinking & indiscriminate sex, I don’t know what the hell to think. The Wolverines offense has been pretty anemic so far this season, hence the QB change, while USC is still unproven. My inclination is to lean on the home dogs here and take Michigan. I don’t really trust Lincoln Riley on the road, and much less on the road for a BIG afterNOON kickoff game on CBS. Now, hold your horses liberals, all I’m saying is I don’t necessarily agree your ‘quality win’ against LSU is all that impressive. We all know Brian Kelly hates losing on opening weekend, and if it weren’t for LSU being undisciplined, USC may have lost that game. Back to this game – the Trojans first B1G ten game, on the road, against the defending national champions – yeahhhhhhhh I’m not buying it. This feels like the Crypto currency guy that corners you at the party insisting that THIS is the year Dogecoin goes BIGTIME. Sit down, Bartholomew, and maybe throw some of that crypto money into a mutual fund or 401k.
Verdict: Gimme the home dogs to cover and win outright. Sherrone gets his first quality win as Michigan’s head coach.
#12 Utah @ #14 Oklahoma State (OKST -2.5 T: 52.5) 4pm on FOX
34 year old Cam Rising is set to play in his 92nd game as a starter against Mike Gundy and his Cowboys. A huge game in the newly reformed Big 12, both of these undefeated teams are looking for that first statement conference win. Not too much to say here other than I have my doubts about Oklahoma State after that Arkansas double OT game. I mean don’t get me wrong, that game ROCKED, but didn’t instill confidence in Ok State as they move into conference play. As for Utah, I feel like this is the same story just another year. Old man Cam will have his guys ready to play, give me the Utes to go into Stillwater and get the win.
Nighttime
#6 Tennessee @ #15 Oklahoma (TENN -6.5 T: 57.5) 7:30pm on ABC
Here we goooooo. Welcome to the SEC Oklahoma, here is a an offense averaging 64 points, have fun! A yuge test for Brent Venables and the Sooners as that fiery Tennessee offense looks to give them a not-so-warm welcome to the conference. I’d say neither of these teams have really played anybody, but the Vols did absolutely dismantle NC State a few weeks ago, and the Wolfpack was technically ranked so take that how you’d like. As for Oklahoma, they’ve barely beat Houston two weeks ago and had a scare at Tulane last week. In a battle of the 2nd year QB’s, Nico Iamaleava and Jackson Arnold, we will see who has the sophomore slump and which sophomore humps. All the talking heads loveeeee Nico, and rightfully so, as he was second in his to only Arch Manning, but I think eyes should be on Vols Jr. RB Dylan Sampson. The speedy yet bruising back has already clipped 9 (NINE) touchdowns in just 3 games so far this season, while averaging 160 total yards a game. A lot of high flying talent on both sides of the ball, but it’ll be won in the trenches. Venables has worked his tail off recruiting the big boys up front, in preparation games exactly like this one, so only time will tell if they’re ready to play with the big boys. Feed me the over here, cheering for points are fun! (I also like Tenn to cover as well)
PrizePicks Plays of the Weekend – brought to you by Haagen-Dazs, and as they like to say, “Don’t Hold Back”.
Touchdown Scorers:
Saquon Barkley – revenge game after dropping the game winning catch vs. the Falcons
Alvin Kamara – this man scored 4 times last weekend, are the Saints a wagon? Feed the hot hand
Rashid Shaheed – he will only have 3 catches but there’s a 69% chance one of them is a 70 yard bomb
Brock Bowers – rookie leader in all receiving stats, playing the Panthers, don’t overthink it
James Connor – are the Cardinals legit? Idk but this guy runs more upright than Forrest Gump – BOOK IT
Bijan Robinson – holy shit is he fun to watch. Another Primetime game? Yeahhhhh he’s scoring
Khalil Shakir – the Jags suck, Bills are good, his name is fun to say, need more reasons??
Zach Moss – is he the starter in Cincy? I don’t know but the Commies are Charmin Ultra Soft so his thicc ass is getting in there
Jordyn Mason – the Rams can’t stop a nosebleed and this guy is gonna keep tearing it up while CMC nurses his boner
The Skinny
Games I will be keeping a close eye on this weekend:
- Indianapolis -2.5 vs. Bears – AR15 vs Mr. #1 pick. Bounce back spot for the Colts here and the Bears offense stinks.
- Philadelphia +3 @ New Orleans – Mr. 4th & 1 himself takes on the best team in the NFC? No shot Philly drops 0-2 vs. the NFC South
- LV -5 vs Carolina – I will continue to fade the Panthers, I don’t care that they benched Bryce. Do you trust the Red Rocket?
- 49ers @ Rams o43.5 – Points points and more divisional points. Matty Stafford has nobody to throw to & Jordyn Mason will run wild. 43.5 is simply too low
- Lions @ Cardinals o51.5 – Hand up, I’m cheering for points here. Call it a gut feeling but I love this game. Kyler, Maserati Marv, J Goff, ARSB, Jaymo, etc. Lotta talent and fun players.
- Bills -5 vs. Jags – Trevor Lawrence might really suck, Josh Allen is really good, James Cook WILL score, Primetime beans. Bills MAFIA
Winner: Injuries. Well, it’s that time of the year again, when the injury bug starts running rampant. Just a few names that have caught the bug so far this season: Cooper Kupp, Derrick Brown, Tee Higgins, Jordan Love, Puka Nakua, Nick Chubb, Jake Ferguson, Deebo Samuel, Isiah Pacheco and the list goes on. As a General Manager, it’s tough to see my boys getting hurt out there, and I will revert back to blame Big Turf yet again for this. As an active member in the “Mass Grass Asses” community, I advocate for the banishment of turf fields. Now, Big Turf will tell you that it was the Sodfather that ruined the hope for all true grass fans, as he goofed BIGTIME in preparing the field for Superbowl 57, as many Eagles fans will tell you. However, like my fellow members, I believe real football purists will prevail and come to the conclusion that Big Turf is the root cause of these exponential injuries. Don’t just take my word for it, check out JC Tretter, former NFL offensive linemen, and his thoughts on this hot-button topic here.
Loser: The National Basketball Association. This one pains me, as the basketball community has lost one of it’s most influential voices just 2 days ago. Senior Insider and reporter Adrian Wojnarowski officially announced his retirement from tweeting, as he accepted the General Manager position of the St. Bonaventure Bonnies men’s basketball team. Wojnarowski, better known as ‘Woj’ has been the first to sharing exclusive news and insights covering the NBA for the last few decades. Coined as ‘Woj Bombs’, millions relied on his accuracy, professionalism and uncanny quickness in spoon feeding the masses any and all NBA related news. I for one will miss his live tweeting of the NBA draft picks, minutes before I see the team make that very pick, as I wonder “How the hell could he possibly know that??” Clearly, Woj has people in low, high, and probably medium places. Like Barry Sanders and Calvin Johnson, Woj is leaving in the prime of his career, before he lets the game pass him by. A lot of you casuals are probably wondering why he would leave this life of riches and fame to go be the GM at some rando school. Well, as he is an alumni of St. Bonaventure and a basketball purist, this is something Woj has always dreamed of doing (per sources). I wish him the best of luck, as he can FINALLY rest, the torch has been passed.
Nothing else from me here folks, aside from your featured meme.
Love you guys,
TWD
