Fun fact, the last 5 times we’ve been in a year where the Pope has died, Notre Dame has won exactly 9 games. Don’t believe me? 2022, 2013, 2005 and 1978, look it up for yourself doubting Thomas. My expert team of nerds and statisticians were in the lab grinding all week to get these sabermetrics out to the people. We’ve discovered the Power of the Papacy has foretold the Fighting Irish will lose another game, for it is written. Anyway, we’ve got another great weekend of football ahead of us.
Where would we like to start this recap off? I suppose we go with the BIG NEWS as per usual, and then move into some of the more ancillary matchups. Yeah, let’s do that.
The BIG NEWS
– Miami traveled up the panhandle to panhandle business against the Seminoles. The Canes had a firm grasp on this game, and I don’t think there was ever a doubt who would win. The 28-22 final score doesn’t quite do it justice, as the Seminoles turned the ball over 3 times (2 INTs and 1 fumble), and were down 28-3 at one point. Lucky for them, no team in CFB or NFL history has ever come back from a 28-3 deficit late in the 2nd half of an important football game, so Miami moves to 5-0. Congrats to QB Carson Beck, who competed 70% of his passes for 250 yards and 4 scores. Despite his rather unfortunate physical appearance, he seems to playing the best football of his career, so hats off to the young man. For the Noles, you might be dead. That UVA loss is haunting you, as you currently sit next to dead last in the ACC with an 0-2 conference record. Also, yes, I know I picked the Noles to cover the 4.5 point spread, and they lost by 6, so that sucks, but I would like to blame myself for some personal influences that swayed me towards the Noles. So hand up, I shant be swayed again. Consider this a pivotal moment for your boy (it’s gonna continue to happen)
– Vanderbilt fails to pull off the upset in Tuscaloosa, as the Dores collect their first loss of the season. As I so intelligently predicted, Alabama was ready to play. Ty Simpson continues to look like one of if not the best QB in the country, and the defense was able to force 3 turnovers from Diego Pavia. Bama RB Jam Miller seems to be fully healthy again, running for 125 yards and a TD, and the Ryan Williams/ Germie Bernard one-two punch combined for 180 yards and 2 TDs. Alabama will be tested in the upcoming weeks – visiting Mizzou and SC, and hosting Tennessee, LSU and Oklahoma. We’re gonna find out what these SEC teams are made of as they enter the gauntlet that is their October schedules. Vandy has LSU, Mizzou, Texas, Auburn and Tennessee coming up, yikes.
– Well, this was the DJ Lagway weekend, as expected of course. I’ve been saying for weeks that this Florida team is due to beat one of these overrated SEC teams, and this was the perfect spot for the Gators. Texas has been ass all year, Arch Manning has looked like 2012 Mark Sanchez, and Steve Sarkisian just stands on the sideline looking like George Sanderson with that ridiculous haircut – a perfect storm, if you will. The Longhorns aren’t dead just yet, but they been stabbed in the chest and arrested on 3 counts of battery and assault and are likely to lose their NFL broadcasting job. Now, is there any coach better than Billy Napier when his seat is not only “hot”, but covered in gasoline and blazing like the fires of Mordor? I think not. He is the KING, and still may find a way to get fired because that schedule is just atrocious.
– Penn State, you suck. Shoutout Jerry Neuheisel.
– No time this week for other bullshit, if you’re curious what happened last weekend I would advise you download the Score app, where they let YOU customize your very own sports experience. Like NFL? They’ve got it. Like CFB? They’ve got it. Like MLB? They’ve got it. Like NBA? They’ve got it. Like NHL? They’ve got it. It’s all happening on the Score app, use promo code FAKEAD to get $0 off your next purchase of $2,500 or more at participating McDonalds.
SF 26 LA 23: 49ers out-fan the Rams in LA as Macaroni Jones leads the injury ridden niners to a 4-1 record. Is Brock Purdy a system QB? Or is Macaroni having a moment?
Vikings 21 Browns 17: Carson Wentz is so back it’s unbelievable. Yeah, yeah, they beat the Browns, but Kevin O’Connell continues to prove he’s the QB wizard.
Cowboys 37 Jets 22: The Jets are 0-5, Javonte Williams is good (?) and this was an asswhooping.
Broncos 21 Eagles 17: Are you a Boliever? Because I sure am. The not so young, young QB led a game winning drive to hand the Eagles their 1st loss of the season.
Texans 44 Ravens 10: remember when I picked the Ravens to cover? Well, they did not. Cooper Rush you are buns, and it’s so so evident this team is basically the Raiders without Lamar Jackson. Also, someone check on Derrick Henry, is he alive?
Giants 14 Saints 28: Jaxson Dart, welcome to the NFL. 3 turnovers and a loss to the Saints is enough to make any man seek religion, so maybe instead of an iced out Cuban link, you get yourself a nice modest cross pendant like a normal frat guy.
Raiders 6 Colts 40: The Colts are very good. Johnathan Taylor is very good. If the Colts continue to win games I am going to start saying things about Daniel Jones that are going to make people mad.
Dolphins 24 Panthers 27: this game happened. Tua looked like he remembered what color jersey his team was wearing and Bryce Young, congrats King. If you have no fans then I am dead my friend #shortkings
Bucs 38 Seahawks 35: this game was so awesome. Baker Mayfield is arguably the MVP of the league if the season were to end today, and when in doubt DRAFT AN OHIO STATE WIDE RECEIVER.
Titans 22 Cardinals 21: This game was a fever dream. I will not speak of it.
Commanders 27 Chargers 10: Jayden Daniels is back and so is this Manders team. Also big shoutout to Jacorey Croskey-Merritt, or Bill, for averaging nearly 10 yards a carry.
Lions 37 Bengals 24: Man, this Bengals team is UGLY. The Lions are very good and Cincy just traded for Joe Flacco, another non-mobile super old QB, but this one isn’t afraid to sling it. Love the move.
Patriots 23 Bills 20: Drake Maye has arrived. What a game this was, came down to a Pats full field drive and game winning field goal. With the Bills loss, no undefeated teams are left in the NFL.
A lotta great games so I’m keeping these short and sweet, like ya mum.
#1 Ohio State @ #17 Illinois (OSU -14.5 T: 50.5) NOON on FOX
Not gonna spend a ton of time on this one. I trusted this Illini team when they traveled to Indiana and they got SMOKED. I know there have been some question marks around this Ohio State team (not really) but I’m gonna trust the process. Julian Sayin is completing 80% of his passes, averaging 260 yards a game. Obviously we know all about WR Jeremiah Smith, but keep your eyes peeled for Carnell Tate, another 5 star WR who is averaging 18 yards a catch. I think Tate is primed to have a huge game while the defense is focused on containing Smith. The last thing I’ll say is the Illini have a fun team. QB Luke Altmeyer is fun, and has put up some fun stats against not so good teams. Unfortunately “fun” doesn’t win you games so give me the Buckeyes -14.5.
#8 Alabama @ #14 Missouri (BAMA -2.5 T: 51.5) NOON on ABC
First: I hate that this game is at Noon, why is this game at noon? Second: I HATE the Missouri field with a passion. The numbers are gross and slanted and I just don’t like it at all. Third: this is a pretty close spread huh? Vegas seems to think we’ve got ourselves a rock fight in Columbia. I tend to agree with Vegas, but I’m not really sure which way to lean here. On one hand we’ve got the hottest team in the county with arguably the hottest QB in the country, Ty Simpson. On the other hand, we’ve got an undefeated Mizzou team that hasn’t been tested like this yet, but have a Top 5 offense. QB Beau Pribula has been good, RB Ahmad Hardy will win the Heisman once he runs for 200 yards and 3 TDs, and that defense has the #1 and #2 edge rushers via QB pressure rate (Zion Young and Damon Wilson). My keys for Mizzou are simple: run.the.damn.ball. You have the best RB in the country, Bama is vulnerable in the front 7, giving up 160 yards per game (ranking 76th in the FBS). There will be a few key moments where Pribula will have to make some huge throws, and if he can do that, Mizzou can win this game. For the Tide, lean on Ty Simpson. He’s been processing defenses and throwing darts since the FSU loss, you’ve gotta trust him to keep slinging it. Control the tempo on offense and stack the box on defense, you have to commit to stopping Hardy and that Mizzou rushing attack. I’m not gonna pick against Alabama, as much as I want to unfortunately. I have been pretty awful at picking these spreads so far so maybe I can jinx Bama into a loss.
#7 Indiana @ #3 Oregon (OREGON -7 T: 53.5) 3:30pm on CBS
Not spending a lot of time here either. Oregon wins this game and covers. Indiana is good, sure, but I’m a bit of a stickler and I need to see them beat a real team. If they prove me wrong and knock off Oregon in Eugene, then they’ll have earned my respect. Until then, Sco’ Ducks.
#6 Oklahoma @ Texas (TEX -1.5 T: 45.5) 3:30 on ABC
I will not be making a pick on this game due to the fact that the status of QB John Mateer remains unknown. However, this game should be fun. Texas is bad, I think, or maybe it’s just Arch Manning? Probably just Arch Manning. Anyway, I love the Red River Shootout (that’s right, I still recognize it as the “Shootout”) so tune in.
Other sneaky good games going on
– Arkansas @ #12 Tennessee (o66.5) 4:15pm: Will the Hogs get a bye week/interim head coach bump? Bobby Petrino is back at the wheel (lol if you know you know) and Tennessee looks to avoid a scare. Should be fun, give me the over 66.5.
– Florida @ #5 Texas A&M (-7.5) 7pm: I don’t think Florida and Willy Napier can catch lightning in a bottle two weeks in a row, so I’ll take the Aggies to continue the undefeated season. A touchdown spread feels generous considering this game is at Kyle Field at night, and DJ Lagway realllyyy wants to throw interceptions.
– #10 Georgia (-3.5) @ Auburn 7:30pm: The Deep South’s Oldest Rivalry, this one is tricky. Georgia is coming off a confidence building Kentucky win, but is still fresh off the Bama loss. Auburn is frisky and has the talent to win this game, but it’s Hugh Freeze and this run heavy offense running straight into the strength of this UGA defense. Gimme the Dawgs to get it done.
– #15 Michigan @ USC (o56.5) Michigan put belt to ass to USC last season, rushing for 300 yards in their rout. USC is out for revenge, and QB Jayden Maiava has been playing some great football recently. The problem is USCs run defense is asscheeks, and RB Justice Haynes is averaging 120 yards a game. I think we see points, and I want to cheer for touchdowns so gimme the over.
– #21 Arizona State @ Utah (-7) Our little taste of Pac12 after dark. Rice-Eccles will be ROCKING and you don’t go there and lose, so you know I’m taking the Utes home to get it done.
PrizePicks Props & TD Scorers of the week are brought to you by Dude Wipes.
If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about getting in the trenches & getting their butts in the (end) zone, it’s Dude Wipes.
Justin Fields – he’s in London, he runs one in, simple. Don’t overthink it.
Johnathan Taylor – the young man had 3 last weekend and my fantasy team thanks his greatly. Continue the streak my boy!
Zach Charbonnet – the touchdown vulture himself. Kenneth Walker is averaging 7 yards a carry and yet the Seahawks insist on feeding Charbs fatass at the goaline. Well, it’s about time I make money off of it I suppose.
Rico Dowdle – Ahhh yes, the Rico Dowdle revenge game, as we all expected. Dallas can’t stop a nosebleed and with Chuba Hubbard still out, I expect Dowdle to tote the rock and have another big day.
Jahmyr Gibbs – yeah I mean it’s Jahmyr Gibbs so I think he will score. Run the ball.
Bijan Robinson – not only will he score, take his rushing yards line. No clue what it is and I’m too lazy to check but the Bills rank 2nd to last in rush defense and Bijan is Bijan. Trust me.
NFL Quick Picks
Bills @ Falcons over 49.5: Monday Night Football, Josh Allen, Mike Penix, James Cook and Bijan Robinson. That screams points to me. The Dirty Birds are wearing their throwback uniforms too, and just think about how fast Bijan will look in that uni.
49ers @ Bucs -3.5: it’s no secret I love Baker Mayfield and this Bucs team. I also love the revival story of Macaroni Jones and this 49ers team, but he’s gonna have to come back down to Earth at some point, and I think it’s Sunday. Emeka Egbuka might be the greatest WR ever ?
Cowboys @ Panthers o49.5: Yes I’ll have one large order of points, with some points and a side of more points please. Cowboys defense has been injured and non existent, while the Panthers remain bad, but kinda frisky late in games. This total is a little too low for me.
Chargers -3.5 @ Dolphins: Justin Herbert and John Harbaugh need a bounce back win after the home loss to the Commanders. The Dolphins are in desperation mode and lost to the Panthers last week. Kinda a must win for both these teams, but I’m taking the team with the better QB, go get that win J Herbo.
Oh yeah I kinda sorta forgot to mention it but the MLB Playoffs are going on. All you need to know is the Phillies lost and the Jankees lost. For my more visual learners, here is an updated look at the bracket.
Love you guys,
TWD
