Well I can’t promise this weekend will be as exciting as the last, but we’ve got our first ‘shiny object’ slate coming up. Where a lot of games LOOK like great matchups on paper, but the jury is still out. Personally, I’m more of a ‘believe it when I see it’ kinda guy, so while I’m hopeful for some great games, I’m tempering expectations a little.
We’ve got a good one for you guys with a little football, playoff baseball, and a sprinkle of NBA talk in the mix.
The 49ers tried so hard to lose this game man. Shanahan needs to be locked up as soon as San Francisco takes any sort of double digit lead. Not sure what his deal is but he is a great coach until he gets up a few scores, then his offense stalls and his defense forgets they have hall of famers all of over the place. As a Geno Smith propagator, it was painful to watch my boy look absolutely lost out there last night. Two interceptions and a few sacks were the cause of him being under pressure for the majority of the game. Something about Nick Bosa playing against certain QB’s, it’s almost like he has extra motivation some weeks I swear. Idk, probably nothing. Anyway, Brock Purdy was balling, starting to think that guy might be pretty good at football. The Amazon prime production crew hit the “show his salary compared to other QBs” button a few times tonight, illustrating he’s making $940k compared to others in the $50 million range. No shit, he’s still on his rookie deal, what do you expect? I get the disparity is shocking, but hell I’ll take a cool $940k. The Seahawks running game was bottled up all night, forcing Geno to throw 55 passes, which is never good for an old man. Despite the 49ers suffering ANOTHER injury at running back, they prevailed behind big performances from Deebo Samuels and George Kittle (3 TD’s between the 2 of them). The NFC West is wide open, with Seattle and San Fran both sitting at 3-3.
Your weekly Friday night lights game this week is a late one. 10:30? Really ESPN? Have you no shame? I mean seriously, I get that it’s a west coast game and all but give us East coasters a friggin break. Due to the last 6 weeks of Friday night football being unbelievable games, I’d say we are due for regression here but that’s what big football wants you to think. Will this be a stinker? Maybe. Is it football? Yes, yes it is. I might be snoozing before this game even grows legs but I’m obligated by the powers that be to at least make an effort to watch this game #sacrifices #iamsobrave #selfless.
Cam Rising (yes that 29 year old QB) is finally back from a lingering fingering issue on his throwing hand, so consider that. I really don’t know a thing about ASU but they’re 4-1 and know how to party so give me them to keep this thing close. A good Utah defense and what I think will be a sloppy game where Rising likely gets hurt again makes me lean the under here.
Saturday – Noon
Georgia Tech @ UNC (GT -4 T: 59.5) on the CW
Full transparency – I picked this game before I knew it was being broadcasted on the fucking CW. Isn’t that the channel they make those really shitty DC tv shows on? Like the batgirl show? Well, actually they did make Arrow and The Flash which were pretty good. Statement redacted – anyway, why the hell isn’t this on ESPN or at LEAST the ACC Network? Ooooo never mind, good thing Toledo v. Buffalo is on ESPN, I’m practically foaming at the mouth for some MACtion.
The big game: GT is 4-2, UNC is 3-3, and I’m not sure where either of these teams stand. Tech looked really good at the beginning of the season but their best win (FSU) is starting to look less and less impressive. A bad and weird loss at Louisville doesn’t look great either, but they’re starting to find a groove after a win vs. Duke last weekend. For the Tarheels, they are Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde this year. A hot 3-0 start nearly got them in the Top 25 rankings, but once they played a team with a pulse, they got absolutely whomped. James Madison hung 70 (SEVENTY) on UNC on their own field. That started the losing streak, as Duke and Pitt both clipped the heels to push them to 3-3.
Verdict: I like Tech. I don’t trust a team in a QB crisis, even though they have one of the best RB’s in CFB. Gimme the jackets -4
Blowout Potential:
South Carolina @ #7 Alabama (BAMA -21 T: 50.5) on ABC
#10 Clemson @ Wake Forest(CLEM -20.5) T: 61.5) on ESPN
#21 Missouri @ UMass (MIZZ -27 T: 54.5) on ESPN2
These games will all be at noon so pick your poison here.
Bama will likely look to take a centuries worth of embarrassment and anger out on a struggling South Carolina team. I feel like the Tide will bounce back and make a statement. They cover the 21.
The Tigas are ROLLIN. After that opening loss to UGA, Clemson has been full of piss and vinegar and wasting every team in its path. Klubnik looks like a different QB and the defense is starting to find an identity. Wake isn’t a threat, the Tigers keep ROLLIN.
Similar to Alabama, Mizzou is in a bounce back spot here against an inferior opponent. Unlike Alabama, they didn’t just lose, they were sodomized on national television by Texas A&M. You’ve gotta get your head on straight and lock in, so luckily they have 1-5 UMass to use as a punching bag. Tigas win by 27 and then some.
Here we go. The Red River Rivalry is officially an SEC matchup. That sounds kinda gross to say, because I’m used to seeing this game have 100 points, 1000 yards and some crazy Big 12 type of moments. Now that it’s technically an SEC game, I feel like I should lower my high offensive expectations and just be ready to see a 24-10 game. For the first time in 40 years, Texas enters this game as the #1 team in all the land, as a 2 TD favorite in this neutral site game. With Quinn Ewers healthy and back at the helm, what should we expect from this high powered offense against a struggling Oklahoma defense? Well, I’m not sure. My heart tells me the Longhorns will beat the hell out of them.
I watched this Oklahoma team nearly lose to Auburn a few weeks ago, and if it was wasn’t for some immense dumbassery by Auburn QB Payton Thorne throwing a late game pick 6, they would’ve lost. Not to mention they are having a bit of a QB crisis as well. Second year QB Jackson Arnold was announced the starter at the beginning of the year, but has been benched after coming down with a case of playing-like-a-scared-bitch-itis. True freshman QB Michael Hawkins Jr. will make his second career start, and he will have a tall task ahead of him against a pretty gross Texas defense. This one should be fun, but I think Texas is too much for Oklahoma to handle – Longhorns win and cover.
#4 Penn State @ USC (PSU -3.5 T: 50.5) 3:30pm on CBS
Nuts on the table here – USC will beat Penn State. I’m never wrong (Idk if I’m ever right).
Here is why: Penn State is essentially the 18 year old girl who asked for a boob job for her 18th birthday. Sure, it’ll impress some guys and get the attention of her target audience, but eventually she’ll get older and her $2,000 boob job will start to look more like rock climbing holds instead of tits. You’re probably saying, “How the hell does that relate to Penn State??”, allow me to illustrate. So Penn State is this boob job having 18 year old, and their ‘impressive’ 5-0 start and #4 ranking will age like a bad boob job. They’ve only played one real team, Illinois, and if it weren’t for a late turnover by Illinois on their own 15, that game would’ve come down to the wire where anything could’ve happened. Time to say something nice about the Tittany Lions – They have 2 great running backs and a top 10 defense.
I don’t want you guys (and gals) to think I’m a USC fan at all, because to be honest they aren’t that good either. They do have the better QB in this matchup and the better offense. Mix that with home field advantage, and I think the Trojans can win this game. Miller Moss legacy game incoming.
Saturday – Night
#2 Ohio State @ #3 Oregon(OSU -3.5 T: 54.5)7:30pm on Peacock
Why is this game on Peacock? Who’s the dipshit that allowed that to happen? The second biggest game of the year, the biggest for the Big Ten arguably all season, and someone decides to put it on Peacock? Whatever, methstreams has and always will have my back for games like this. Let’s get into this one.
By now I’m sure most people have heard of the growing legend of Jeremiah Smith. If you haven’t – first of all good for you, second of all, he is the freshman phenom at Ohio State who has redefined how good a freshman WR can be. The young man is putting up crazy numbers so far this season and even crazier catches. He and Ryan Williams of Alabama have been going back and forth with impressive game after impressive game, & I think similar to Williams breakout game vs. UGA, this will be Smith’s breakout game.
After starting the season a little slower than expected, QB Dillon Gabriel and Oregon have found a groove offensively. Leading the nation in completion percentage, and averaging 460 yards a game, this offense faces it’s biggest test so far. Ohio State leads the nation in just about every defensive category known to man, but one peek at their schedule explains that. They had their annual charity games against Sister Mary’s School of the Deaf and Blind, and Donny Dongs School of Disabled Dingbats, among other MAC teams. Seriously though, neither of these teams have really been tested, outside of Oregon nearly being clipped by Ashton Jeanty and his Boise State Broncos (Oregon won 37-34 but Jeanty ran for 192 & 3 TDs).
I truly don’t know what to think here. I don’t have a ton of confidence in OSU QB Will Howard, the transfer from Kansas State, and HC Ryan Day kinda loves to lose big games. I give the coaching and QB edge to Oregon, but defense and overall playmaker talent to Ohio State. I also think the game being a home night game in Autzen Stadium, with Oregon likely breaking out some crazy ass uniforms, makes me lean in the Ducks direct. I’ll take Dan Lanning to keep this one really close and cover the spread.
#9 Ole Miss @ #13 LSU (MISS -3.5 T: 61.5) 7:30pm on ESPN
Let’s check the fax – a night game in Death Valley, vs a Top 10 opponent, yeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh they aren’t losing.
“But it’s Brian Kelly!! He’s gonna turn purple and blow this game!!” maybe, probably, idk. All I know is that Tiger Stadium will have a 100,000+ in that bitch jumping and screaming. One of if not the toughest environment in College Football, that alone gives the edge to LSU. Mix that with a QB who slings that pill around to WR’s who commonly ‘unload the choppa’ in celebration, oh yeah, gimme the Tigas.
This might feel like an emotional pick here, and it is. I will give credit to Ole Miss, they traveled to USC last weekend and beat that ass like a drum, 27-3, which was an impressive bounce back game for the Lane Train as it got back on the tracks. Unfortunately, I think the only rails the Lane Train is worried about in Baton Rouge are the Columbian kind. (Yes, that is a fantastically written ‘Lane Kiffin doing cocaine’ joke). Jaxson Dart still spells his name with an x and Lane will be so worried about what bar he’s gonna be hitting after the game that I don’t think he has it in him to get a win in Tiger Stadium. Gimme LSU to win outright.
Gonna keep this pretty buttoned up this week. No game picks, no lolly gagging, straight TOUCHDOWNS SON
PrizePicks TD Scorers are brought to you by Dude Wipes. If there’s anyone who knows a thing or two about getting in the trenches & getting their butts in the (end) zone, it’s Dude Wipes.
Alvin Kamara – the dude loves scoring against division rivals
Jordan Love – over 2.5 passing TDs
Derrick Henry – it’s Derrick Henry, don’t overthink it brother
David Montgomery – Gibby loves sticking it in
Jahmyr Gibbs – Jibby also loves sticking it in
Ceedee Lamb – He’s gone full diva mode on Dak aka GIVE ME THE F***ING BALL BITCH. He’s getting fed this week.
Malik Nabers – if he’s back, he will score. Battle of the LSU WR’s in primetime
– I just hope both teams have fun 🙂 (jk I’m officially on the Tigers bandwagon ever since I learned they sold out at the deadline and had a 1% chance to make the playoffs. They’d probably get smoked by the Jankees but you never know)
Kansas City Royals v. New Jork Jankees (3-1)
– Both New Jork teams advance, as the Jankees take care of the Royals. This one sucks, I really wanted anyone other than the Jankees to represent the AL in the World Series, but I guess that’s what a $260,231,924 payroll will buy you.
National League – Divisional Series
Los Angeles Dodgers v. San Diego Padres (2-2)
– Game 5 hell yea hell yea game 5 hell yea woooooooo let’s go Dads!
New Jork Mets v. Philadelphia Phillies (3-1)
– We have our first National League team advancing to the NLCS, and it’s not the PhiLLLadeLLLphia PhiLLLies. Despite some great games from Bryce Harper and Nick Castellanos, they are NOT the team of destiny. After giving non-wildcard teams shit the last few years for complaining about so many days off between games, it’s now them bitching and complaining about the current playoff format. Oh how the turn tables? Have a fun off season bitchhhhhhhh.
Your meme of the week is brought to you by long time reader, subscriber and Knicks superfan, Spike Lee.
In some NBA news, the New York Knicks have made huge splashes in the offseason as they’ve signed 2 highly sought after free agents – Big AJ and the Rizzler – to lifetime deals. Now that’s what I call a BOOOOOOM.
PICTURED: The men themselves getting some bucketsand already breaking in those new uni’s. Shoutout Big AJ for taking Julius Randle’s number, I know he will likely play just as many meaningful playoff minutes in that jersey as Julius did.
