Welcome to October my friends.
The first really good weekend of CFB did not disappoint; hi-jinx, heavyweights, hemorrhoids and heartbreak, we got it all (yes, one of those things may be exclusive to me). A lot of stuff to talk about, but before we get into it, let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, they lost, no I am not all that surprised. Was it at least a pretty good game? Sure, for a half. I’m of course referring to the big night game everyone was watching, as the now 1-4 FLLLLorida State Seminoles lost to (Southern) Methodist University. The Noles got whomped by SMU, 42-16, yikes.
Alright, with that out of the way, let’s check in.
Falcons 26 Saints 24: As the great Shakespeare once said, “My old girl’s alright, but my Younghoe Koo”. What a (weird) game here in the 1pm slate. One thing about this past Sunday’s early slate, there was a LOT of MUFF. Muff?? Yea, muff. In a span of 4 minutes, 3 separate players muffed punts, resulting in 2 touchdowns across the board. One of those muffs was Saints WR Rashid Shaheed (Sh-it-hedd), resulting in an early touchdown lead for the Dirty Birds. Both of these offenses played very eh, as the defense and special teams led the way for the scoring. For instance, Derek Carr was terrified of Matthew Judon as he was free rushing, so he threw it right at him, (some would say it was a batted ball) and LB Troy Andersen caught the deflection and returned it for a 50 yard TD. Both of these QB’s threw gross interceptions, and neither found the endzone. The real hero here was the Falcons kicker, Younghoe (real name) Koo, who hit 4 FG’s, including a 58 yard game winner. The Dirty Birds get a much needed divisional win.
Vikings 31 Packers 29: I will absolutely continue pushing Sam Darnold MVP propoganda, until I draw my last breath (or until he eventually comes back down to Earth). But for now, it lives on, as the young man (younger than one Joseph Lee Burrow) continues to win football games. The 4-0 Vikings put belt to ass in this 1st half, grabbing a 28-7 lead at the break. Sammy D was slinging it to everyone, as 9 different WR’s recorded a catch (my unselfish King), and finished his day going 20/28 for 275 yards & 3 TDs. What looked like a true ass kicking slowly turned into a great game, as Jordan Love channeled his inner Brett Farve and strapped on the copper fit to mount a comeback. Love threw 2 1st half INTs but made up for it with 3 2nd half TDs, bringing his team within 2. 1 failed onside kick later tho, and the Vikings held on. These teams are very good.
Commanders 42 Cardinals 14: It’s time we have a Jayden Daniels discussion. I’ve let this simmer for a few weeks now, in anticipation of regression, and it hasn’t come. Jayden Daniels (through 4 games) has been the best Rookie QB, statistically, of all time. Completing a record 82.1% of his passes so far this season and posting 7 TDs, he has been very impressive. He led the offense to such an electric start to the season, the Commanders went 10 consecutive quarters without punting the ball. Think about that, that’s fucking insane lol. Anyway, this weekend that streak was finally broken, as they went 3 and out and were forced to punt on their 3rd possession of the game. That single punt didn’t stop Jayden from having a huge day, as he completed 86% of his passes for 230 and 2 TD’s. Don’t look now but the Manders are atop the NFC BEast and look like one of the best offenses in the NFL. Oh and the Cardinals also played in this game.
NFL Quickie: Caleb Williams and the Bears win another game vs. Matty Stafford and the misfits as the Rams remain the most injured team in the league. Anthony Richardson gets hurt, Joe Flacco and his big ole nuts come in and defeat the previously UNdefeated Steelers (shoutout Justin Fields, he hooped). Aaron Rodgers and Bo Nix have a suck fest, Broncos come first and walk away smiling and satisfied. The Bakers dozen serves up more fried bird this week as he cooks the Eagles for 350 yards & 3 TDs in a blowout win. Joe Burrow & the Bengals avoid going Burr0w-4 as they remember they are good and handle the Red Rifle and the Panthers in Charlotte. The Jags blow a big 2nd half lead to the Texans and we might need to have a discussion about T-Law. Brock Purdy and the injured 49ers beat the hell out of the Pats. The Raiders and Browns played, this game sucked, I’m not sure if either team truly ‘won’. Patrick Mahomes tears his WR1’s ACL after he throws an interception, it doesn’t matter because the Chargers stink, Cheeves are 4-0 somehow. Derrick Henry is confirmed the reaper of death in those black Ravens uniforms, as he snatches the Bills soul and runs for 200 yards & 2 TDs.
Bama puts a muzzles on the Dawgs
Tide 41
Dawgs 34
Holy. Shit. What a game. I preemptively deemed this the ‘Game of the Year’ and it did not disappoint. I’m not quite sure where to start on this one, but I think we should start with the winners of this matchup, the Tide.
The Crimson Tide offense was cutting through the UGA defense like a hot knife through butter, scoring at WILL. 1st year offensive coordinator Nick Sheridan called a perfect 1st half, as the Tide scored on their first 4 possessions, jumping to an immediate 28-0 lead. Jalen Milroe looked unbelievable, completing 89% of his passes for 200 yards and adding 78 yards on the ground, all in the first half. He scored 3 of those 4 quick Bama TDs, and one coming off a 40 yard scamper on 4th and 1 where he outran UGA’s fastest and arguably best defensive player, Malaki Starks. In a nightmare start for the Dawgs where the offense couldn’t get a first down, and the defense couldn’t stop a nosebleed, Alabama took full advantage, and the sodomizing occurred all in a span of 17 minutes of gametime. Milroe is now the frontrunner for the Heisman after posting crazy numbers: 27/33 for 374 yards 3 TDs 1 INT, oh and he added a cool 117 and 2 TDs on the ground. Ryan Williams, known 17 year old, was cooking the Dawgs DB’s all night, and caught the go ahead 70 yard TD with 2 minutes left, after the Dawgs came back took a lead for 3 seconds. The Tide are in the driver seat, and look like they have the scariest offense in College Football.
Georgia, oof. Where to start? I suppose with the offenses inability to move the ball for the first 30 minutes of the game. In my expert opinion (and yes I am an expert), the Dawgs were stubbornly trying to stretch the ball downfield the entire first half, with Carson Beck continuously trying to attack the young secondary of Alabama. Whether you want to say play-calling, QB decision making, or just dogshit execution, the Dawgs couldn’t do anything offensively in the first quarter. The first major domino to fall was the miscommunication between Carson Beck and his WR’s. As he audibled to a quick screen due to the incoming blitz, his outside WR’s didn’t hear it, and the resulting play was an interception for the Tide. Mistakes and miscues for the Dawgs were the story of the 1st Half, until they were finally able to stop the bleeding and find the endzone, making it a 30-7 deficit before the break. Kirby must’ve threatened to revoke licenses at the half because the Dawgs came out with a different energy and intensity in the 2nd half. Finally able to stop Milroe and that offense, UGA started to slowly but surely chip away at that lead. Beck found a rhythm, and threw for nearly 350 yards and 3 touchdowns, finally connecting on those deep balls against the young Bama secondary. A few crazy plays later and Georgia somehow found a lead, going up 34-33 with 2 minutes left. Maybe 2 real time minutes later, the aforementioned 70 yard TD occurred, and all UGA fans pissed themselves, again. Carson did his best leading a drive down the field, getting all the way to Bama’s 15 yard line with 40 seconds left, but threw a 50/50 ball to his 6’6 jump ball guy and the DB made a hell of a play, ending the game. I highly doubt this is the last time we see these two teams face off this year, and if they’re all this entertaining, well sign me the fuck up.
A big week for Hurricanes as the Hokies feel the gale force winds of Cam Wards aura
UM 38
VT 34
We’ve got a spicy one here. Let’s not bury the lead here, let’s talk about the ending at the beginning. Virginia Tech, down 38-34 with seconds to go, nearly completed an epic game winning Hail Mary as time expired. QB Kyron Drones launched it to the back of the endzone and by some miracle, a VT WR came down with it! Or at least that’s what I thought, after being CALLED an TD on the field by the refs, they went to review it to figure out what the hell had just happened. If you haven’t seen the play, I advise you to go check it out because my explanation won’t do it justice. Plain and simple, it was a catch. The VT receiver made the catch and had possession going to the ground but a Miami defender had his arm wedged in there and at the last second, ripped it out. Now that may sound like an incompletion, but enough time had gone by and he had already been called in for a TD, so why overturn it? Well for that explanation, you should check the message boards. Lucky for you, known message board genius and local Miami man, Sticky Ricky, sent us his thoughts, “No way Jose, that was NOT a catch! Trust me, I’m the best at catching things. I’ve caught just about every STD known to man, and even a few previously unknown!” Gross Ricky, just gross. To close out, this sucks for Virginia Tech fans. You guys deserved that win. The Hokie defense forced 2 rare Cam Ward interceptions, and held him to only 350 yards and 5 TD’s. Miami moves to 5-0 and is Cam Ward your Heisman favorite? Idk.
Lane and his Landsharks get beached, Wildcats win
UK 20
MISS 17
Now, was this a Mark Stoops masterclass or a Lane Kiffin disasterclass? Personally, I think a bit of both. Mark Stoops and this Kentucky defense might just be a top 5 unit in CFB so far, after holding UGA to 13 points and now this explosive Ole Miss offense (avg 665 yards a game coming in) to just 17 points and 340 total yards. Mark had his boys doing what they do best, playing keep away. They played the long game, chipping away down the field and chewing clock. Is it fun to watch? Hell no, but it worked lol. Clearly aware of a handcuffed offense, Stoops wisely runs a lot of play clock each possession, squeezing the rock and playing 1930’s football. I say all of that because he and that ‘Tortoise style’ offense quickly switched their tune to the ‘Hare style’ in the 4th quarter. The balls on this guy, to go for a 4th and 8 on his own 18 yard line, with 2 minutes left, wow. On that very 4th and 8, QB Brock Vandagriff launched a 63 yard prayer that was beautifully answered by speedster WR Barion Brown, as he caught the perfect pass and juked his way down to the Rebels 10 yard line. 2 plays later and the Wildcats had a 3 point lead with just 2 minutes left. Ole Miss QB Jaxson Dart led his team down the field and got them a 48 yard field goal attempt… which was shanked. Stoops stumps the Sip.
Notre Dame holds off the Cardinals
ND 31
UL 24
No need to lie here, I didn’t watch this. Why? Well because I don’t subscribe to the Cock, Peacock, that is. With the Irish’s billion dollar NBC deal, they have exclusive rights to all their games. Good for them, but they will never get my hard earned money. Let me check the box score real quick, please hold. Okay, Notre Dame QB Riley Leonard had his best game, almost eclipsing 200 total yards (nice!) and Louisville WR Ja’Corey Brooks (Bama Transfer) had 2 nice TD catches. That’s all I’ve got.
Penn State holds off the Fighting Illini
PSU 21
Illini 7
Mannnnn I wanted this one bad. As suspected, this was an ugly low scoring game. When I was calculating the results of this game, I was unaware it was a Penn State white out game, my algorithm would’ve been very different (they still covered tho). A close game that was tied 7-7 at half never really had that explosive play everyone was waiting on. It came down to a few key plays or drives, and RB’s Nick Singleton & Kaytron Allen led the way for the Nittany Lions. They finished with a combined 200 yards and 2 TDs, as Singleton capped off a 14 play 7:30 minute drive, giving PSU a 14-7 lead. Illinois’ defense eliminated the pass for PSU, but couldn’t stop the run, and playing catch up against this defense is nearly impossible. A late pick by Illinois QB Luke Altmyer sealed the game, and the Nittany Lions move to 4-0.
CFB Quickie: Oregon beats the hell out of UCLA 34-13, stays undefeated. Clemson can’t stop scoring points, beat Stanford 40-13. Auburn nearly upsets Oklahoma, but Payton Thorne couldn’t go 1 game without throwing a pick 6, Sooners escape 27-21. Sam Pittman and Arkansas lose to the freshman sensation Marcel Reed as the Jimbo Fisherless Aggies are 4-1?? Coach Prime and crew go into UCF as two TD dogs and kick the shit out of them 48-21 behind a 1 TD & 1INT game from Travis Hunter. Arizona goes into Salt Lake City and hands the Utes their first loss of the season with a 23-10 victory. Kansas State embarrasses Oklahoma State in a 42-20 ass whooping. To wrap it up with a bow, the #1 RB in the country and Heisman front runner Ashton Jeanty, put up another MONSTER game. If you aren’t aware of Mr. Jeanty, give him a google, and watch this young man go to work. This week he ran for 260 yards, averaged 10 yards a carry and scored 4 TD’s… against an undefeated Washington State team.
Instead of your weekly meme here, I think we should take this opportunity to talk about something serious, Beenado. You may be asking yourself, “Beenado..? What the hell is a ‘Beenado’?” Well, if you quit questioning me and shut the hell up, I will enlighten you.
Earlier this year, a tractor trailer carrying 15 million bees crashed on I-95 in Maine. Similarly, in 2023 alone 5 million bees fell off a truck in Canada and a truck in Florida transporting 1 million bees was in an accident. Moral of story, a lot of bees were buzzin’. As for the Nado in Beenado, that’s where the heroes of 9-1-1 come in. The hugely massive nationally syndicated TV show, 9-1-1, watched by nearly 100 people worldwide, is advertising their Season 8 premiere by teasing the “Buzzkill” episode, where an enormous swarm of bees starts causing some kinda bullshit where LA’s finest first responders are needed. Personally, as both a sensitive man and empath, I don’t want to fight the bees, I want to SAVE the bees (hold for applause). So I guess check it out, I’m not sure where I’m going with this bit anymore. Maybe the genesis of it was about network TV shows doing the craziest shit to grab attention? Idk, you’re a free thinker, figure it out, I’m sleepy.
Love you guys,
TWD
