So, how was everyone’s weekend? Good? Bad? Mine was pretty good, thanks for asking. Now, I’m trying to remember if anything of note happened…. OH that’s right, the reviews are finally in for the new big studio film ‘Joker 2: Folie à Deux’ and they are not good. ‘Folie à Deux’ literally translates to “madness of two” which translates once again to “doonkie ass musical”. A rotten tomatoes score of 33%, and dubbed “stinkyyyy” by multiple critics, this movie sucked. And spoiler alert – remember Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker we were led to believe IS the Joker? Yeah well apparently he’s NOT the real Joker. Idk man I haven’t seen it, don’t plan on seeing it, and got this entire review from my 6 year old nephew who saw it.
Alright fine, enough foreplay, let’s talk about this unbelievable weekend of football.
Let’s be honest, you guys aren’t here for this so let’s keep this short and sweet.
NFL Quickie: Aaron Rodgers hates two things in this world; vaccinations and not being a pompous over-dramatic ass when things don’t go his way. Vikings win in London-town 23-17 (Darnold for MVP). The Dolphins and Patriots attempted to football, and failed miserably, 15-10 Fins. Caleb Williams has his best game yet as he and his “Yasss Bitch” painted nails light up the Panthers 36-10. Is the red flame of Andy Dalton dwindling?? Joe Burrohmygoddidyouseethatthrow and the Bengals put up 550 yards of offense but fall short to LaMVP & the Ravens in overtime 41-38. This game was unbelievable. Jayden Daniels shows Massage Watson you don’t have to sexual assault women to play QB, the Commanders flush the Browns 34-13. Brian Thomas proves that drafting LSU WRs is as safe as drafting Kentucky basketball Guards, the Jags win on Trevor Lawrence’s birthday 37-34, but Joe Flacco is all the way back. Stefon Diggs wins the revenge game against the Bills 23-20, and Josh Allen only completed 9 passes. Bo Nix and the bucking Broncos are 3-2(!) as they beat the Raiders 34-18. The Lions hangover is very real as the Seahawks get their wings clipped by the G-Men of New York 29-20. Kyler Murray runs wild against the 49ers as Shanahan blows ANOTHER lead, Cards win 24-23. Finally, the last game of the weekend belongs to the Packers, as Jordan Love outlasts the Rams 24-13.
Alright you sickos, this is what your came for, so let’s have it.
The Rebels of Las Vegas can’t handle the Big O
Cuse 44
UNLV 41
I told you guys (and gals) last week that Friday Night lights has been unbelievable this year, and we got fed another beauty with this game. The previously unbeaten UNLV Rebels fell to first year HC Fran Brown and crew despite holding a lead the majority of the game. If you didn’t watch this game, let me sum it up for you really quickly. (Former) UNLV Backup QB Hajj-Malik Williams played his ass off (21/25 for 227 yards & 4 TDs) but the defense couldn’t stop a nosebleed. Cuse QB Kyle McCord threw the ball 63 (Sixty Three) times for 350 and 3 scores. Holy hell this was awesome to watch. For all my NFL draft nerds out there, a name to know is Syracuse TE Oronde Gadsden III, the dude is an absolute baller.
Missouri gets pantsed, spanked and embarrassed by Texas A&M
Mizzou 10
TAMU 41
Not too much to say here to be perfectly honest with you. Missouri just kinda sucks. After nearly losing to Vandy two weeks ago, who we learned is the 2nd best team in the country behind Georgia Southern, you’d think they would have woken up and been ready to play. Well, not so much. Did I doubt Vegas last week when they made A&M the favorite in this game? Yes. Did I fully slander them and think Missouri would win this game? Yes again. Even the mighty fall (see the game below) and hand up, I was wrong.
All respect to Mike Elko and his staff at Texas A&M for putting together a complete game plan and executing it at a high level. 2nd year QB Connor Weigman was dicing this Mizzou defense, and using his legs to extend drives. Pair that with a really really good running back room in Leveon Moss and Amari Daniels, and the Aggies were absolutely rolling. As the for the Tigers, they couldn’t get anything going offensively. Texas A&M stacked the box to stop the run, and bracketed star WR Luther Burden on the outside to limit his opportunities. It worked for a while, and with the help of some questionable penalties (no calls or bad calls) in favor of TAMU, the Aggies jumped out to a 24-0 1st half lead.
What does this mean: it means the SEC truly is wide open. There are 8 teams in the SEC with 1 loss (wild) and Texas stands alone at the top for the moment at 5-0. It seems like anyone could get hot and make some noise this year. We go a week at a time.
Vandy shocks the world
Vandy 40
Bama 35
Holy mother of balls. How do I eloquently handle such an important and monumental moment in history? Let me throw some numbers at you bitches: 3 – the total points Vanderbilt had scored in the last 3 matchups against Alabama. 40 – the number of points Vandy scored on Alabama on Saturday. Coincidentally, 40 is also the number of YEARS since Vanderbilt’s last WIN over Alabama… Lastly, 60 – the amount of consecutive losses Vandy had against Top 5 teams entering this game. A lot of history for the Commodores this weekend.
So what the hell happened?? How does Alabama beat Georgia’s ass, then lose to Vandy? I’ll tell you how, Diego Pavia. The transfer QB from New Mexico State got his moment and took it, put it in his pocket and brought it home to show all 75 of his closest family members. The young man from Albuquerque played a flawless game; 16/20 252 yards & 2 TDs through the air with 20 carries (!!) for 60 yards on the ground. The dual threat QB was able to stretch the offense, move the ball down the field, and terrorize this Alabama defense for 60 minutes. It was like watching poetry in motion, and I couldn’t get enough. Defensively, Vandy was able to disrupt Milroe and keep Ryan Williams bottled up for the majority of the game. A deflected Milroe pass ended up being caught in stride by a Commodore DB and he housed it, extending their lead to 23-14 before the half. For Milroe, after running for 125 yards against UGA, he was held to just 10 yards somehow.
So is Bama dead?!? Short answer: No. They’ve merely fallen victim to the ever so common ‘let down spot’. Now, I do recognize that this is not a normal let down spot (personally, my team would never lose to Vandy) and all the historical Vandy data I just spewed backs that up. However, it’s Alabama. Yeah yeah it’s not Nick Saban and it’s a 1st year Head Coach, but just temper your excitement for a second and remember the type of program they are. With the SEC as wide open as it’s ever been, they are still in position to fix that defense and make a push.
Vandy HC Clark Lea said that this is only the beginning, and the boys had been using Nick Saban’s quote earlier this year where he said “the only place that’s not hard to play in the SEC is Vandy” as motivation… well Coach the ‘Dores beg to differ. The SEC is pandemonium.
The Vols get lost in Fayetnam
HOGS 19
UT 14
Upset number 3 of the day occurred in Fayetteville, Arkansas as the #4 Tennessee Volunteers were hog tied and slaughtered on Walmart Field. I don’t typically victory lap (that’s a lie) but I do not like Tennessee at all. The jerseys are ugly, they cheat, their Coach looks like Bobby Hill, and I love it when they lose. Arkansas on the other hand, is electric. I love Sam Pittman and the Hogs like they’re my own team. Taylen Green (who?) outplayed 5 star ‘phenom’ Nico Iamasubparquarterback in a low scoring affair. Green, the 6’6 240 Junior QB, might be on the most gifted athletes in all of CFB right now – a rocket for an arm and the speed and size of a WR. His gifts were on full display Saturday night, but it was his deep ball accuracy late in the game that gave them opportunities to score.
Now I’m not an Arkansas fan but I was pretty clearly cheering for them to pull this upset, so it pissed me off that they had 4 redzone trips and only walked away with 3 points at the half. Kicking a field goal at the 1 yard line but going for on 4th and long TWICE the next two drives? Cmon Sammy boy you’re smarter than that! If you’re going to beat a top team, you have to let your nuts drag a little bit and be aggressive. Luckily, Arkansas’ defense stepped up BIGTIME. They held this explosive Vols offense to 163 yards and 0 points in the first half. ESPN was popping off with all the insult stats for Tennessee, showing how incredible it was for them to be held scoreless for so long.
This came down to the wire, as Arkansas drove the length of the field and scored with 1:16 left on the clock. It would not have been possible without two unreal throws from Green, both 30 plus yards & dropped right in the bucket down the sideline. Plenty of time left on the clock for the Vols, Nico made a hell of a throw rolling to his left to push the ball into Hog territory. A few incomplete passes later and it was 4th down at the Arkansas 20, with 3 seconds left. Nico rolled to his right and tried to find someone down field but instead of forcing the throw to the endzone, he opted for the safer play – tuck the ball and run out of bounds as the clock expired. Game over, Hogs win.
The Huskies take the rematch of the National Championship
UW 24
UM 17
“Upsets hereeee, get ya upsets hereeee, we got a fire sale happenin ova hereeee 5 for 1. Want one upset and ya get 4 more hereeeee”
Anotha one falls. You guys (and gals, sup?) know I respect the integrity of journalism, so in the matter of full transparency, let me tell you that I did not watch a single second of this game. Luckily, I have eyes and ears everywhere, and my west coast correspondent Stoner McGough was on site. He had this to say regarding the game, “Mannnn what a game mannn. I think these two teams played in the Natty last year, but I’m not sure man. I was gonna watch it but my bud Chuckster got me a boat ride to Tamarindo, to shred the winter waves down there man. Can’t say no to some gnarly pumping waves brah. Anyway what was your questions?”
As always, it’s both enlightening and frightening talking with Mr. McGough. Let me sum this one up for you deucers: Washington has now won 19 straight home games (sick) and this loss snaps Michigans 24 game regular season Big Ten win streak. Former Mississippi State QB Will Rogers remains a dawg, just a dog of a different breed, as he gets the home crowd their first big win under new HC Jedd Fisch. Rogers put up some impressive numbers against a very talented Michigan defense, and with Michigans offense being unable to do ANYTHING but run the ball, they fell short. Donovan Edwards and Kalel Mullings were bottled up and forced Michigan to throw, which they clearly are unable to do. The wolverines are morphing into Iowa more and more every week.
CFB Quickie: #11 USC is as soft as Charmin and can’t handle Minnesota’s big boys up front. The boats are rowing in Minneapolis as a game sealing INT knocks off Lincoln Riley and his liberals 24-17. California tries to right USC’s wrong by upsetting Miami, but blow a 25 point 4Q lead as Cam Ward lights them up like a Christmas tree in the 2nd half (Canes are 6-0). It’s time to show respect to #23 Indiana as they beat Northwestern and move to 6-0 for the first time since 1967. #15 Clemson handles FLLLLLorida State in DJ Oogiebadoogie’s absence, look out for the Tigers. #12 Ole Miss bounces back and circumcises the GameCocks in their own home 27-3.. #7 Penn State plays the most boring brand of football ever and moves to 6-0 with a win over a 1-4 UCLA team. Ashton Jeanty runs for 186 yards and 3 TDs in 17 minutes of play time as the Boise State Broncos whomp Utah State by 5 scores. Ashton Jeanty is now your leader in the clubhouse after Week 6 to win the Heisman, as he’s amassed 1100 yards & 16TD’s in basically 4 games. The last upset of the weekend belonged to SMU, as they go to #22 Louisville and steal the game with a game-winning 1 handed grab.
Well how about it folks, we’re in October. That means wildcard teams doing the unthinkable, stars being born and stars disappearing (looking at you Judge), and a Shohei Ohtani commercial every break. I for one, am absolutely jacked to the TITS thinking about it. We are a few games in so far, so let’s see where we stand –
American League – Divisional Series
Detroit Tigers v. Cleveland Guardians (1-1)
Kansas City Royals v. New Jork Jankees (1-1)
National League – Divisional Series
Los Angeles Dodgers v. San Diego Padres (1-1)
New Jork Mets v. Philadelphia Phillies (1-1)
Allllllll tied up, across the board. Pretty sweet, right? I’m not gonna get into the thick of just yet, but expect to see some color commentary on the games as we move forward.
I know, another long one. We just had so much to talk about, and here I was thinking this past weekend was going to be uneventful, relaxing and quiet.
WRONG – it ended up being a kick in the balls to multiple fan bases, some for the first time this season, and some who should know by now not to leave the house without wearing a cup (looking at you FSU). This is what sports are all about though, the unexpected.
All my friends in the South, specifically Tampa, please evacuate or stay safe. Hurricane Milton may sound like a little bitch but he’s picking up more speed than a UGA football player after a couple of beers. Be careful.
Your meme of the week is brought to you by my favorite college gameday sign maybe ever. Shoutout Cal and all their fans for showing up and leaning into the jokes.
Love you guys,
TWD
